Thought Catalog
October 7, 2016

It’s Getting Harder To Forgive You

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 Christian Gertenbach
Christian Gertenbach

It’s getting harder to forgive you every night I come home alone and you’re not there or even calling me. It’s getting harder to forgive you when I can’t hear your voice or see your name on my phone.

It’s getting harder to forgive you every time I get invited to a wedding, because you were supposed to be my plus one and we were supposed to be planning our own.

It’s getting harder to forgive you when I keep dating guys who are not serious about me, when I’m out with my girls and you’re not there, looking out for me or when I’m having a bad night and I can’t see your face.

It’s getting harder to forgive you when I can feel your absence in my life. When I see your ghost everywhere I go.

It’s getting harder to forgive you when you’re not trying, when you’re not around me, when you’re not holding me and when you’re only hurting me even when you’re away.

It’s getting harder to forgive when your memories still haunt me.

It’s getting harder to forgive you every time I realize that I can’t live without you.

It’s getting harder to forgive you when you make me smile then make me cry.

I keep saying it’s going to get easier but it doesn’t. I keep saying it’s not that hard but it is.

I keep saying I don’t miss you but I do.

I keep saying I don’t want you to come back that’s a lie.

But every time I hope for something from you and I don’t get anything, I miss you a little less.

Every time I say that this time you will finally stay, you end up leaving again.

And it’s getting harder to keep up with you. To wait for you. To defend you. To believe in you. To believe in us.

It’s getting harder to love you again.

It’s getting harder to forgive you but it’s getting easier to forget you.  TC mark

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