September 15, 2016

I’m Still Learning How To Accept Your Love

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I’m still learning how to receive. Without being surprised that someone cares, without feeling the need to give back ten times more, without feeling that you’re doing me a favor and I’m still learning how to receive without worrying that one day you’ll take it all back.

I’m still learning how to believe. Believe your compliments, believe your words and believe your intentions without questioning or overanalyzing or doubting your feelings for me. I’m still learning how to believe your love without thinking it’s one big fat lie.

I’m still learning how to differentiate. How to stop comparing you to the one before, how to stop my mind from thinking it’s only a matter of time before you show your true colors, it’s only a matter of time before you leave and it’s only a matter of time before you stop loving me. I’m still learning that you don’t have to be like the rest, that I shouldn’t compare you to someone who broke my heart.

I’m still learning how to give. Without being scared of giving too much, without worrying that it might scare you off, without feeling like I said too much or done too much. I’m still learning that you don’t see it as bad thing, I’m still trying to understand how you appreciate it instead of taking it for granted.

I’m still learning how to heal. Heal from the past heartbreaks, from the rejections, from the broken promises, from the tears and from the pain of loving the wrong person. I’m still learning how to heal myself without hurting you. I’m still learning how to pull you closer without pushing you away.

I’m still learning how to respond to you. To your daily texts, to your wonderful declarations of love, to your small and grand romantic gestures and I’m still learning how to believe that these are real. That this is not a game — that you’re not trying to play me.

It’s taking me time to see the truth in your words and your actions because I’m used to lies.

And it’s taking me time to comprehend that maybe God has finally answered my prayers, that now is the time where God grants me my favorite wish.

The problem with being the person who loves more is that you don’t know what it’s like to be loved back, so you tend to see it as a dream, something unreal, something you’re not used to.

The problem with being the person who loves more is that you don’t think you’ll ever meet someone who loves as much as you do, better yet, that someone is in love with you.

But if you exist then I can’t let you go, but bear with me as I learn how to accept something I never had. As I learn how to accept something that I’ve only dreamt of but never touched. TC mark

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