Dawson’s Creek, Revisited
PACEY: Hey there, Jo.
JOEY: Pacey, hi. (Sad side smile)
PACEY: You are a sight for sore eyes. (Warm, doughy smile)
JOEY: Yeah? Well, Pace, I’ve got to admit, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again. Not after… well, after.
PACEY: Right. After. (A brief and telling pause) Okay, I just gotta say this one thing that I know I’m doomed to regret but it’s not in my nature to stand idly by as someone I care for suffers deeply.
JOEY: Pacey, please.
PACEY: Jo, just let me get this out, okay?…For old times sake.
JOEY: (Tucks hair behind ear and tentatively shrugs approval)
PACEY: Tom fucking Cruise?!
JOEY: Nice, Pacey.
PACEY: I’m sorry, Potter, but come on. The fate of any relationship with that man is written in history, a timeline of uniquely stunning but ultimately overambitious women whose career goals outshined the matronly role Tom sought for them.
JOEY: Screw you, Pacey. What do you care? Does my lack of ambition offend you? I had my reasons for being with Tom and now I have my reasons for leaving and, for that matter, I don’t have to stand here and take this self-satisfying lecture from you!
PACEY: Jo, I…
JOEY: (Interrupts) And what exactly are you implying? That I’m completely devoid of any self-worth, that my subservience was the attraction? Of all people, Pacey…
PACEY: You’re a fool. You, Josephine Potter, are a lost wonder of beauty and integrity. You with your quiet humility and intoxicating aftertaste have left men paralyzed, utterly immobile at the simple realization that you were once theirs.
JOEY: Dawson’s doing just fine, thank you very much.
PACEY: I’m not talking about Dawson and for once could we have a conversation that does not allude to the sharp tip of the triangle?
JOEY: …Fine… then tell me. Why are you here? To join the leagues of critics applauding my inevitable escape from captivity? Do you want to shake my hand, congratulate me on a divorce well done? What is it, Pacey?
PACEY: What? (Dumbfounded)
JOEY: Be honest, Pacey. The night I left you when you told me I’d be back, is this how you envisioned it? Is this your fantasy?
PACEY: That’s uncharacteristically harsh of you, Ms. Potter. But since we’re posturing, there is really only one burning question that plagues my thoughts after all these years. Did he complete you, Jo?
JOEY: Bite me.
JAMES [as in VAN DER BEEK]: And scene. (Pauses, speechless, face of complete satisfaction) That was…perfection. Katie, Josh, it’s like we never stopped shooting. You exude everything I’ve ever wanted to capture. I mean, the anger, the frustration, the steaming sexual tension. I couldn’t have done it better myself… though I think we should try another take but with me instead…
JOSHUA: Okay, down boy. Don’t you find this display a bit masturbatory even for you, James? I think you’re taking the whole “life imitates art” thing a little far. Perhaps it’s time to take a role where you play someone other than yourself, eh? (Because he’s Canadian, get it?)
JAMES: But don’t you see? We always were Dawson, Joey, and Pacey! We’ve never stopped!
JOSHUA: Katie, care to chime in? It’s your life story he’s fiddling with here.
KATIE: I’m just here for the threesome.
JAMES: The Joey to my Dawson… at long last.
JOSHUA: And that’s my cue.
A | A | A
You break it to them as softly as can. They immediately beg you to stay.
As much as I appreciate someone telling me to keep my chin up when going through a hard time, I’m fairly certain I’d rather them let me punch dance out my rage in their backyard.
At their biological core, men are ruled by sexuality. They identify potential mates using their eyes first, while women take a more complicated approach.
You probably thought I was going to recommend Orange Is The New Black but I’m not.