Thought Catalog
November 6, 2015

The Fat Jewish Got His Book Leaked, So Naturally I Downloaded It And Read It. Here’s What I Learned.

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This image was taken by photographer Guerin Blask. Wikimedia
This image was taken by photographer Guerin Blask.
Wikimedia

Two hundred and forty seven pages, a shit ton of coupons and four “Chill Zones” later, all I can think is someone must have been really pissed off to have copied each individual page of The Fat Jewish’s book onto the internet. I found the PDF of this book sitting in my newsfeed somewhere with a bunch of comments of how The Fat Jewish (Josh Ostrovsky) deserved the book leak. Earlier this year, he dominated media headlines everywhere after they reported on his supposed joke thefts. Many of his Instagram followers renounced him, yet he became a partner of White Girl Rose with popular author Babe Walker, and worked on his memoir Money, Pizza, Respect. I decided to binge read the entire leaked PDF in order to decide for myself if he was as much of a fraud as the internet claimed.

Firstly, the memoir took me about two hours to read start to finish. By my own classifications, it places it slightly above toilet reading and slightly below beach read. For instance, the Gossip Girl book series is classic toilet reading. I would get one of the books at Barnes and Noble, start it on the 15 minutes car ride home, then adjourn to the toilet where it would be finished in about 30 minutes and my legs would fall asleep. Anyways, my best comparison of a recent celeb memoir is to Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl. That might possibly be a bit of an offensive claim to some people, but their respective memoirs accomplish the same tasks. Not that Kind of Girl appeals to Lena’s usual audience of pseudo-intellectual 20-somethings with a massive chip on their shoulder who expect TMI from their supposed “Spirit Animal.” Money, Pizza, Respect is for the fuckboy bros looking for a hero and the basic Jewish Girls who share his memes claiming to relate and secretly longing to bang him. He calls girls like that “Chuckle fuckers” girls who are longing to bang usually chubby comedians.

His memoir is frank and mildly offensive which is what his usual following is searching for. He repeats comparisons of “How gay is this? [insert item]” and compares it to things that involve cocks. His description of his first strip club: “Ivan’s was as dark as the depths of a hooker’s anus,” he then asks readers “Now that I think about it this might of been my first pussy. When was yours?”

The Fat Jewish is successful because he is relatable and includes his audience — he has sex with his fans and denotes an entire chapter to describing sex with his craziest female fans.

The book is divided up into “Chill Zones” because “reading is hard” and people need breaks.

Honestly, it’s a decent concept for luring in his base that normally don’t read. However, he knows what he’s doing. He’s college educated. He is pleasing his fans. The coupons section is one of the best things I’ve seen in a memoir in a long time. It reminds me of the days of Care and Keeping of You and other guides to puberty that try and make it less awkward by making it interactive. Also, it makes it the book a decent gift. Despite the fact that it has already leaked, book sales will do just fine. There are plenty of people with a conscience that won’t let them pirate books online. Why do you think the iTunes charts look like they do? Mom and Dad would be ashamed if Madison or Emma ever downloaded music illegally. So the charts continue to be dominated by Justin Bieber.

His assorted followers will buy up the book so they can tell people that they have actually read something this year. It’s definitely going to show up around beaches in the Caribbean and left on cruise lounge chairs all this winter. But the Fat Jewish does impart some nuggets of wisdom. I will leave you with his 11 Commandments of Not Being an Asshole.

  1. Do not express yourself through a hat.
  2. Don’t talk about your job.
  3. Don’t do cocaine.
  4. Do not be overly positive.
  5. Don’t use a Doritos bag as a condom.
  6. Don’t make movie quotes your primary comedy source.
  7. Don’t say words in other languages in the accent of that language.
  8. Don’t be afraid to eat at strip clubs.
  9. Don’t aggressively talk about sex all the time unless you want people to think you’re gay.
  10. Don’t talk so loud.
  11. Don’t eat sushi at a gas station. TC mark