Thought Catalog

Pihu Yadav

Pihu Yadav, 19, Chaotic

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Sleeping all day long and missing classes, leaving exam hall without finishing your test, losing your appetite, not taking calls – I’m sorry, but I seem to not see the beauty in that. Normal everyday activities become too hard to follow, what is so good about that?

A lot of people ask me why I am depressed. Or what was so bad that it turned into this ball of dark smoke in my heart. Now I know, it’s never one thing. It’s all the little things building up to be a giant monster that swallows you alive.

Build your own castle if you want to live in one and don’t let anyone, and I mean anyone come in the way of your happiness. Make mistakes, fall on the ground, curse hard, and let your hair loose, sweat like a pig for all I care. Do whatever it takes to keep that smile on your face.

Lately everything has come down to this, for me at least, looking at random strangers, envying them, feeling bad about my own life and ending up depressed.

There’s been betrayal, disappointment and ignorance – that is how I would like to define my 2016 at college. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, I just don’t know what else a person is supposed to do to get an ounce of happiness.

In another time, he could’ve been my perfection or my forever. If only I wasn’t so tangled, if only everything was as simple as it seems, if only we’d met in any other way on any other day, maybe we would’ve had our share of time and space.

If only this was a story written in words and not real life; if only I could state how my eyes locked back the tears every time they blinked looking at you; if only I could put down the warmth of my hands every time they were wrapped around yours.

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