I saw an open letter someone wrote about things they wanted to tell someone who has lost someone special in their life, and it made me realize I had some thoughts of my own.
Firstly, I want to let you know that no matter what happens in your life from here on out, you are stronger than you will ever know.
After I had recently met some people who had been through something similar to what I went through, I thought maybe these words would help. I am so terribly sorry that you have lost someone so special in your life. That piece of your heart has been stripped away and I know exactly how it feels.
I have learnt a few things since I lost my Mum that I never thought I would have to know….
It is okay to not be okay. You can only hold a strong front for so long, but it is okay to let your guard down and feel 100% completely vulnerable. Cry, get angry, whatever it is that get’s it out. It helps, trust me.
Seeing a friend’s parent hurts. this will happen a lot in your first few months after losing someone special. Seeing them happy with their family, or even just talking about them will hurt.
Watching your family cry will rip your heart out. This will be when you are at your lowest. You want to be there for them to help them smile, but sometimes it’s just hard. But you will become closer for it, because they will always lift you up when you fall and you will do the same for them.
“Sorry” means nothing to you anymore. when people hear about what happened, the only thing they can say is “sorry.” When really you’d much rather them pretend everything was normal. It’s not their fault, why are they apologizing? But eventually you get to the point where you can muster some words to say back, because they’re only trying to help you.
The smallest of things will generate raw emotion. Anything from a picture to a song will just bring memories flooding back. And it feels uncontrollable; as you just sit there and remember every amazing moment you spent with them. But smile, because at least you have those.
Pictures become one of your most treasured possessions. You hold these close to your heart because they remind you of the beautiful Angel you have watching over you. You take one look and instantly feel your heart fill up with warmth as you feel their presence wrap you up.
You wonder if they are proud of you. You will do something good that maybe no one sees. Maybe you aced a test or maybe you helped an elderly person cross the road and you’ll stop and think, I wonder…
When bad things happen, you’ll just want to talk to them. It happens nearly every day. As something goes wrong, you just want to close your eyes and have them standing right in front of you ready to give you a hug and tell you that you can do this. But they are there, you just have to talk to them.
Things you would only ever talk to them about, become blank notes. The only person you felt confided to talk to and hear your problems has gone. You don’t know who you can talk to anymore, so you just think, and think and think. Until it feels blank….
Life becomes so precious to you. You see a whole new side of life that you had never seen before. You see the beauty in the smallest of things. You see the emotions that we carry through with us each day, and you live in every moment, being sure to see how stunning it is.
You find yourself asking “What would they do?”. You will find yourself at a point where you are confused and don’t know which road to take. It might something simple or it may be a tough decision. But you will ask yourself “What would Mum do right now?”
Inspiration becomes a hidden feeling. Whenever you need an inspirational speech or a message, you close your eyes and see them. It is all you ever needed and will ever need again. That little Angel sitting on your heart….forever.
You will see things you’ve never seen before. There will be moments when you will be with your family and you will look around and start to notice how each person has a little trait of that parent. And it will make you smile.
Reminiscing on good times will be a good thing. It seems like it will hurt and be sad, but to talk about that time your Dad and your Mum snuck you into your first football game together when you were a kid will make you smile. These stories will give you much joy, so try to enjoy them.
Talking to them becomes your favorite prayer. Every night before you sleep, you close your eyes and just talk to them. It may sound crazy, but you start to hear them talk back. Those moments you start to realize that they’re always with you… and forever will be.
Never forget who surrounds you in your times of need and who will never leave you. You’ll become stronger than you ever imagined. I hope this helps in even the smallest ways. If you ever need anything, you would be surprised who will be ready to listen to you, so don’t be afraid to reach out and talk.