5 Ways Your Life Will Change Once You Get A Full-Time Job
1. You’ll be getting drunk earlier and more frequently.
In college, I drank, on average, 2-3 times a week but each time I did, I would get W-A-S-T-E-D. Now that I work full-time, I drink probably 4-5 times a week — the major difference being that I never really get drunk. I start drinking at 6:00, am buzzed by around 7:30, and then leave to go home pass out around 11:00. It’s great! No mistakes! No hangovers! I’m slowly learning what it’s like to drink like an adult, or more accurately, someone with a full-time job. I used to think happy hour was for squares who worked in cubicles but it’s really not! Happy hour is amazing. The drinks are cheaper and you get to imbibe with your co-workers and unwind after a long day. It’s a lifestyle choice, really. “Do you happy hour?” is as valid of a question as “Do you ski?”
2. You’ll actually have $$$$.
Just kidding! No one has money. Ever! Having a job might just change you from being “poor” to “perpetually broke.” Who makes money at a job anyway? Unless you majored in “How To Be A Corporate Whore” at an Ivy League, expect to live paycheck to paycheck in your twenties.
3. You’ll feel less anxiety when people ask “So what do you do?” at parties.
I don’t care if your full-time job is licking envelopes at a nuclear waste plant, it’s an accomplishment if you’ve managed to secure a salaried position ANYWHERE. There’s no greater shame than when someone asks you what your job is and you have to respond, “Well, my main job right now is finding a job. It takes up a lot of time, if you can believe it!” Embarrassment needs to go out the window in this economy. Feel pride that you’re getting paid to do something at all!
4. It won’t be uncommon to not see your best friend for two weeks.
My best friend and I both work very demanding jobs and sometimes I feel like our friendship has been reduced to the old cliche of “Catch up at happy hour to talk about how busy we are!” Sometimes it makes me sad. I want to see him more but there honestly doesn’t seem to be any time. It’s crazy. In college, we would see each other almost every day but now that we’re working, time seems to literally get deleted from our lives. Two weeks feels like two days and all of a sudden, you realize you haven’t seen anyone besides your roommate and co-workers. It sucks you into this vortex and spits you out at the occasional catch-up lunch to reassemble the pieces of your social life.
5. You’ll kind of grow up.
Once you get a full-time job, you’ve officially become an adult. Barring getting fired and having random stretches of unemployment, this will be your life until you retire or die. It’s crazy to think about. I’m not a spoiled brat when it comes to working — I love to work — but it is nuts trying to understand that this is forever. You’ll be working full-time forever because you need to support yourself to live. Your whole life up until this point has included a new transition every few years. Things were changing all the time but now you’re here. Doing the same thing for an indefinite period of time. Whenever this thought starts to overwhelm me though, I just think back to the year I spent unemployed and breathe a giant sigh of relief. I made it!
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You were a founding figure in the “adorkable” movement.
I always imagined as I grew old and desperate I would become less picky when it came to qualifications for men. Strangely enough, I’ve experienced the opposite. Consider the Erica of age 18.
I love the internet. It’s a wonderful place to discover new artists and talented writers and cats playing with yarn. But lately, it’s getting me a little down.
1. Wrapping Paper There is nothing, nothing, worse than running out of wrapping paper. In some cases, you have to resort to covering your family’s treasured retail items in newspaper. “Positively gauche, father,” your son will say.