Here is the insecure person’s sarcastic guide to interpersonal interaction. 100% of this guide is to be taken in jest, and 100% of it will help the insecure person completely alienate himself from those who actually think he’s a pretty cool dude.
I sat on the bed, he turned on the TV, and we just sat there, watching television. I was beginning to find the whole experience utterly surreal. My few stabs at conversation were not returned. Before long he got up, left the room and ran a few chores: collected a sheet that was out to dry, washed his hair, talked to his brother next door, and cleared out his nose–sans tissue–a few times in the dustbin by my feet.
Air Conditioning makes you a more viable candidate for sex. This could also be a con, if you’re the type of person who prides themselves on not being used for their material possessions, but you and I both know it’s secretly enthralling to have a leg up on your Ceiling Fan-owning counterparts.
So, after nearly a year spent in New York becoming a real New Yorker (I can give directions to tourists! I’ve made it!), I flew home to St. Louis for a long weekend. Within this time frame, I realized lots of surprising, juicy new bits about myself, thanks in part to lots of reflection and my mother’s not-so-subtle observations of how the Big City changed me.
Mine is very fine; it feels vaguely like the downy back of a duckling if you brush your finger upwards against the grain. It’s lighter in the middle but towards the edges of my mouth it becomes a little darker, and a little thicker, and if you lean in close you can definitely see it.