Interview With Mom
Light pop culture chatter with my mom — whose verbal observances of my body have been going on since I was a child — over morning coffee during a weekend visit. Grammatical errors and logical strains on her part have been preserved for authenticity of this account.
Ten Reasons Why You Should Never Date Me
I’m a drive-by spooner. I get in, I get out, and I go to my corner of the bed ASAP. If you want something to hold on to all night, I suggest investing in a body pillow. Maybe one that has a picture of my face on it? Love you, babe!
New Report Shows 15% Of Americans Now On Food Stamps
A new report by the United States Department of Agriculture states that 46 million Americans received benefits from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program in May of this year.
Wear A Bathrobe Everyday Forever
I have recently cultivated an interest in bathrobe wearing. Sometimes people forget about the bathrobe, the creepy (probably depressed) uncle of the fashion world. They wake up, shower, and move directly to people clothes, clothes designed for outdoor as well as indoor use. It’s faster and easier, but not particularly comfortable. Ah, but this is a mistake…
The Five Reasons I Never Want To Be Rich
Working 70+ hours a week at such a prestigious job has the maddening effect of enabling you to buy anything your heart desires and leaving you no time left to use it. This is the point at which rich people begin buying things with no purpose, such as horrendous modern art for their sterile, immense apartments.
