Don’t be ashamed about using sex toys — even as I write this in the cafe on my campus I am getting death stares from old people. Whatever, they’re just jealous because they’re not having orgasms like I am!
Take an extra-large, half piña colada, half coke Slurpee into the shower and guzzle it while the boiling hot water sprays your back.
Don’t be a person with emotional needs or wants and complex feelings.
“If you want to do the Steve Urkel dance, all you have to do is hitch up your pants. Bend your knees, and stick out your pelvis, I’m telling you, baby, it’s better than Elvis!”