That’s right: for an unlimited time so long as the English language exists, YOU can indulge in every verbose fantasy imaginable! Flaunt your vocabulary! Use adverbs unendingly! Overwrite EVERY SINGLE paragraph!
Poor Kim Richards — she never can seem to catch a break, can she? Unlucky in love and in and out of rehab, she’s a sad tragic figure who spends her daze clutching old photographs from her child star days and throwing martini glasses at the gardner.
Oh, John and Holly. Holly and John. I know nothing about you. I don’t even know if you know each other, or if you are as much of strangers tethered by circumstance as I am to each of you. Perhaps the only point of intersection in our lives is Amanda, our sole mutual friend — the same girl whose words sealed our fates together in the first place.
“This is so embarrassing. Don’t make me do this. Are you really asking me this question? I’m not even close to qualified for this job and we both know it, so I’ll go ahead and make something up about how my previous experience has somehow prepared me for this position. This is embarrassing. There — you’ve humiliated me. Are you happy?”
When I was twelve, my parents received a letter in the mail. It was from some boarding school looking for exceptional minority students to give scholarships to. I’d done pretty well on my citywide standardized tests, and we always circled both ‘Black’ and ‘Caucasian’ on any form that asked, so on paper I was very much what they were looking for.