Why would anyone in a legitimate relationship be like, “Oh my god! Everything is so confusing between us and we must let Facebook know! Otherwise I would feel like we were living a lie. People deserve to know that our love is complicated. We must alert them to this new development!”
Sometimes I feel like wouldn’t Facebook be even better if you and I were the only ones on it, so that when it said I had seven notifications or nine or that I had two unread messages I could just be excited because it couldn’t be anyone but you.
It’s strange to see how people just make U-turns or go off in incredibly strange directions at the drop of a hat at this age, when we’re largely free — and most of us can’t find good employment. And though there are of course exceptions to every rule, the people I once danced to Boyz II Men at prom with are now mostly doing 1 of 5 things.
Wuhhhh…. Sssssss…. Ahhhrrggg…. Blarfff…. What?! I’m working really hard. Don’t you see how many pounds I’m lifting? That’s like curling 14 babies. Human babies. I am obviously allowed to loudly groan my way through the alphabet because my muscles are more important than your workout playlist.
I never cease to be amazed by the magic of words — these contrived scrawls, these guttural mutterings that somehow conjure, entice, explain, seduce, confound, convey, reveal.