Thought Catalog
June 8, 2017

4 Surprising Life Lessons You Can Learn Just From Having Sex

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What is the issue?
Jairo Alzate

I have spent close to 12 years in school acquiring knowledge and skills that are supposed to get me ready for life and aid me in tackling challenges. I have attended churches and listened closely to the words from my parents. However, all the knowledge I have gotten from these institutions do no amount to the lessons having sex has taught me.

Expect the unexpected 

Sex taught me how to stop expecting specific outcomes. Before I had sex, I had imagined how bliss and great it would be. However, I was greeted by a rude shock I got into the game. The whole perfect scenes and expectations I had were far from reality.

Sex is a great act and like all great acts, things could go awkward or crazy. Sex can get messy and you could find yourself in a very embarrassing situation. No one told me to get ready for loud farts and queefing sounds that would come out from my vagina.

These days, I do so many things without expecting a given result and it has made me happier. I give without expecting and I never expect people to be nice to me because I was nice to them. Having too many expectations especially from things or people you do not have control over will leave you depressed.

If you do not ask, you’ll never get

One of my biggest sexual fantasies a while ago was to get eaten out by my partner. I would lay under there for long minutes that felt like hours hoping he’d just go down and eat me to heaven and back . Unfortunately, that never happened till I asked. Asking was scary for me but I have come to realize this is how life is. Some of the things you want will never come to you except you ask.

I get it, asking is scary so you try to play it safe by not asking. Next time you want something, just ask. What is the worst that could happen? Nothing! You have nothing to lose by asking.

Pain is part of the beauty too

I watched a lot of porn growing up and my expectations of sex were unrealistic. I had imagined I would scream and moan loudly as bouts of orgasms went through my body. Nothing in this world prepared me for the discomfort that came with having sex for the first time.

I do not mean to scare you, sex isn’t a pain fest when done right. When I talk of discomfort, I do not mean pain.


We stay miles away admiring successful people and wishing for their lives we forget the pain and hard work it took them to get there and stay there.

If you do not like something, say it

Not saying it only means you like it. I grew up in a country where culturally, women are meant to be nice, humble and conserved. Saying no as a woman was indirectly going against what culture demanded.

I cannot count the number of times my butthole was taken as my vagina during sex and it took me a while to realize that the more I kept quiet, the more my partners assumed I loved it. These days, I say no a lot. I say no and jump up hysterically once anything enters my butthole. TC mark