Thought Catalog
March 19, 2013

Obama Is The Devil, But You Knew That Already

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It should be no shocking news to you that Barack Obama is the devil. After all, “Obama”; Devil”: these words both contain vowels. Granted, not the same number of vowels, or the same vowels, but still. And in case that’s not enough for you, check this out: “Satan”; “Obama.” Again, not the same number of vowels or the same vowels, but still; getting closer.

ANY-way, we have exciting news in that Obama has been proved to be Satan once again… assuming that you were the sort of person who believed this already.

Yes! You see, The History Channel currently has a mini-series that is cleverly entitled The Bible, since it’s about the Bible. And the actor who plays Satan on the mini-series happens to sort of look like; well, we’ll let Glenn Beck do the explaining–

glennbeck- Anyone else think the Devil ...…And by saying that the devil resembles “That Guy,” Glenn Beck means that the devil in this photo resembles Barack Hussein Obama, our 44th and current president. …Two important things should be taken from this information: One, Glenn Beck is apparently a person who still exists. That’s the first thing. The second thing is that Glenn Beck is a noted expert at comparing one thing with another thing, sometimes even using chalk and a blackboard in order to make these not-at-all-specious comparisons. Therefore, when Glenn Beck points out that a thing is like another thing, we should all pay attention.

And people are paying attention to this. That is, people on Twitter who already hate Obama and who have too much time on their hands and who get paid money to do stuff like this are paying attention. Which is fun, and sort of the way that news happens now, in America, in the year 2013.

It might be noted that yeah, the guy in the photo does sort of look like Obama. On the other hand, he also sort of looks like Spock in the Star Trek reboot prequel movie. Yep; here, take a look — abracadabra:

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Amazing! Of course, Glenn Beck has yet to opine on this, which is surely a good thing, as a comparison between Obama, Spock, Star Trek, and Satan would require a very large blackboard indeed and would probably also make all our heads explode.

Of course, The History Channel has a predictable response to all of this, saying that they totes weren’t trying to compare Obama to Satan at all-lll, and totes slutever–

History Channel has the highest respect for President Obama. The series was produced with an international and diverse cast of respected actors. It’s unfortunate that anyone made this false connection. History’s The Bible is meant to enlighten people on its rich stories and deep history.

Producer Mark Burnett also chimed in:

This is utter nonsense. The actor who played Satan, Mehdi Ouzaani, is a highly acclaimed Moroccan actor. He has previously played parts in several Biblical epics—including Satanic characters long before Barack Obama was elected as our President.

Blah blah blah. Of course, all of this highly reminiscent of the George W. Bush/Game of Thrones controversy which so enraptured our nation for a few “heady” days back in 2012, before our brains reset and we forgot about it and waited for the next piece of nonsense to happen, like the trained seals that we so evidently are.

Anyway! Obama! Satan! Bible! If you needed proof that Obama was Satan, there it is, in the picture. But of course, this was all already predicted — lo, so many generations ago  — in the Book of Revelations or the Book of Josh or Andrew or something, which said, as you’ll recall–

…Then I saw an angel coming down from heaven, having the key to the bottomless pit and a great chain in his hand. He laid hold of the dragon, that serpent of old, who is the Devil and Satan. Satan will be released from his prison and will go out to deceive the nations which are in the four corners of the earth, Gog and Magog, to gather them together to battle, whose number is as the sand of the sea, and then also he will pass a healthcare plan which is more conservative than the plan that the Republicans proposed in the 1990s. And there will be great weeping, and gnashing of teeth. And darkness shall cloud the face of the Earth.

…See! It’s all in the BIBLE, people! Or The Bible the mini-series brought to you by The History Channel. So open your eyes, sheeple! …Or not. Or slutever. …And now, I turn the conversation over to you, the sheeple; for that is where the best political discussions of our time take place. They take place in the comment sections of internet articles. TC mark

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