Here’s Your Cat Video To End All Cat Videos

Dec. 7, 2012
Oliver is an American writer living in Bucharest, Romania. He has written for Nerve, McSweeney's, The Huffington ...

CAT CAT CAT

Those who follow the internet have long prophesied of the fabled Cat Video To End All Cat Videos: “Some say that this video will rise in the East, some say in the West,” they mutter, their eyes turned downwards, consulting their auguries, their muddled prophecies.

“…Some say that a comet will herald its coming; some say a daystar. Others say that the entire prophecy is nothing more than a hoax, a fairy-tale that dreaming children tell each other before turning in to bed. Still others believe that the prophecy is real, but that it will not come to pass for centuries yet untold. …But all agree on one thing. Should the fabled Cat Video To End All Cat Videos come to pass, it will make all previous cat videos — even the Nyan cat — look like nothing; like so much dust and ashes. Compared to the Video To End All Videos, all previous cat videos will have been… a walk in the park.”

And so, today I am excited to present the Cat Video To End All Cat Videos. …For I believe that the day of the ultimate video is upon us. …Or is it? Further innovation in the field of the cat video is always possible; I guess. (I hear that the Japanese are working on some amazing things.)

But whatever, this right here is still an awesome feline-based video and YOU ARE GOING TO WATCH IT NOW:

SEE? YOU JUST WATCHED THAT. And that’s… some excellent work on the part of that video. Good job, cat video, way to go! You have admirably fulfilled the function of being a cat video, in the grand tradition of my prior favorites like cat in ball.

If you want/need a little back-story on the video itself, it’s a remix — or a “rip-off,” if you prefer — of Superchunk’s video for their song “Crossed Wires.” A Russian YouTube user took the cat-centric section of that video, added the song “Smack My Bitch” up, by Prodigy, and — voila! — made cat video history.

Here is the original Prodigy song and the original Superchunk song, for you completists out there. (It is now also clear that Superchunk was originally parodying Prodigy with their video, but then their video got remixed with Prodigy — and, you know what? — the whole thing is confusing; don’t worry about it):

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…Also also, the whole thing is a parody of the real-life study where scientists attached cameras to cats and then realized that cats are malicious cold-blooded killers who murder for fun — a study which ended up affecting our love for cats not a whit, because OHHH WHO’S A LITTLE KITTY-WITTY? IS IT YOU? IS IT YOU?

Anyway, here’s a video about the study:

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And finally, if none of the above worked for you and you didn’t even like the Prodigy cat video; fine, I give up. Here’s a stupid video of cats on drugs. CATS. ON DRUGS. IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE THEY FALL DOWN. …IT’S LIKE THEY THINK THAT THEY’RE PEOPLE, WITH THE FALLING DOWN-NESS. Okay.  …That is all for now. TC mark

Oliver Miller

Oliver Miller

Oliver is an American writer living in Bucharest, Romania. He has written for Nerve, McSweeney’s, The Huffington …

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