The Worst Writing From “National Novel Writing Month”
Besides being a thing that is irritating to say, “NaNoWriMo” stands for “National Novel Writing Month” — which takes place this month, and involves having aspiring novelists write an entire novel in thirty days, so that they can learn how to churn out terrible dialogue and two-dimensional characters in a much shorter period than they usually do. (Note: in additional to being National Novel Writing Month, November is also “Aviation History Month,” “Child Safety Protection Month,” and “Peanut Butter Lovers Month.” If you combine all of these, what happens? You get a kid in a safety seat on an airplane, coated with peanut butter, and clutching a newly written Twilight fanfic novel — probably.)
NaNoWriMo (“Nahnoryemoh”) is also a website where people keep track of their novel-writing progress. On the site, NaNoWriMo-ers can chat, make friends, discuss their books, and ask questions. And oh, the questions that they ask. The current output of all NaNoWriMo-ers now stands at 1,487,616,284 words, and that’s just for this November, which is only half over. That’s a lot of words, and a lot of guaranteed bad writing, insane ideas, and insane questions.
Which is where the Tumblr “The Best of NaNoWriMo” comes in. The Tumblr collects the most insane questions, book ideas, and book excerpts from NaNoWriMo-ers, and oh my god I’m going to stop talking now and just get to them. Here are selected terrible things from National Novel Writing Month, presented without commentary, for my commentary could add nothing to this. And check out the full Tumblr here. Enjoy!
Novel Quotes and Excerpts:
Some Truly Awful Writing Advice:
A Single Insane Plot Summary:
And… These People… ???:
So… There was that. That’s, um… some interesting work, NaNoWriMo-ers! Not everyone has to write a novel though. I mean, just a thought. I’m not sayin’; I’m just sayin’. …Or, as another writer once put it: “The horror… the horror.” Indeed. The horror; the horror of it all. December really can’t come soon enough.
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You break it to them as softly as can. They immediately beg you to stay.
As much as I appreciate someone telling me to keep my chin up when going through a hard time, I’m fairly certain I’d rather them let me punch dance out my rage in their backyard.
At their biological core, men are ruled by sexuality. They identify potential mates using their eyes first, while women take a more complicated approach.
You probably thought I was going to recommend Orange Is The New Black but I’m not.