Your Love Will Always Be My Want

You ask me what love is and I’m so in awe of what I’m feeling that I don’t want to describe it, I don’t even want to find the words for it! But at least I could try to.

I am happy being alone, I could even not go out for the sake of a good book and bed and don’t get me wrong I love my friends and family and they’re everything my life is about but there’s also a thing about solitude that makes it favorable, maybe it’s just that you could be happy enough being yourself and accept it but then how come when I’m with you I could be that happy? How come such happiness exists in this world?

You once said that your favorite part about me was how simple my perspective towards life is but I have a confession to make: I didn’t look at it this way until I met you.

I’m the girl who goes to dates at a gourmet restaurant wearing all chic and sophisticated and the perfect one would be a candle-lit dinner where I’d wear my little black dress then maybe we could have a dance or two afterwards, I’m the girl who thinks that the world is a mess and that we’re all going down and believe me, I used to complicate things just by looking at it, out of something beautiful I could pick up hundred of faults and we could blame it on my perfectionist side if we want to but you have to know it was a big part of who I am.

Yet this was only till I met you cause when I did, everything changed.

I don’t even care about the word sophistication anymore, my perfect date could very much be at McDonald’s as long as you’re with me (but can I still wear my little black dress, please?)

And darling let the world drown in its misery by itself cause our love won’t let it get to us and as cheesy as it may sound but whatever tries to stop us, we’ll fight it with love.

The whole thing stays indescribable but I’ll still try to show you a piece of it maybe then you’ll understand. It’s like I’m owning the world even if just for few seconds, like being there with you is everything I’ve ever wanted to do and everything I’ll ever want, like how the sun rises and sets; so beautiful and breathtaking yet so natural. It’s like I belong only between your arms cause you’re my home that I’ll always run to.

I want you to know that your love to me is a want, for that I know I can survive without you but if it’s up to me I’ll choose not to, I’ll choose to stay by your side for as long as I’m alive and I’d choose your face to be the first thing I see every single day.

And yes, without you I can definitely survive but I’m not very sure I’ll live for that you’re not my oxygen but you’re my dose of happiness.

You are a well-written book, one that was written by hardships, mistakes and trouble. One that is locked and put in a sacred place and I’ve been lucky enough to read few chapters before it gets shut again and put in the chamber of secrets and for that I’m grateful.

I give up, I really can’t tell you how I feel but I can tell you this: I don’t know if it’s real or not but I know it’s love and it is not beautiful, it is actually scary, how I feel and how vulnerable and weak I could be when you’re around is absolutely scary but it still is worth it. And I know that even though there’s nothing left but memories but they’re ones I don’t regret having, they’re memories I’m grateful for and I’ll forever be proud of making them.

But now that you’re gone, I’ll just try and give this love to the world may it ease the pain and fasten the healing and more importantly, may it show people how powerful love really is and how beautiful the world can be just by adding a pinch of love.