Thought.is

Those blessed with foresight and an healthy amount of paranoia have been awaiting the Rapture for years, and have prepared by accepting Jesus into their hearts. Jesus will reward this dedication by granting 200 million or so people some complimentary mineral water and a cushy spot in Heaven, while the rest of the 6.7 billion Jews and sodomites get left behind on Earth.

There comes a time in every young person’s life when they must gather their strength, assess their position in the world, and apply to work in a cafe. These positions are highly competitive but don’t let that discourage you – just be sure to show up to an interview prepared.