Thought Catalog
July 1, 2014

5 Reasons Men Only Want Sex From Women

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What is the issue?
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A lot of women have been complaining about the end of courtship and chivalry and the general disinterest in commitment from men lately. Real men, the ambitious kind with high standards and great thirst for success, the breed you want to attract and keep in your life, have stopped pursuing you. They have become lazy courters, showing little effort or interest in the process, except when sex is readily available. For the good honest girls out there who genuinely don’t understand these men, I believe your complaints are legitimate and I sympathize with you. But you’ve got to understand the rules of the dating game have changed dramatically and men had to adjust their attitude for the following reasons.

Complementarity between men and women has been impaired

Quality men like to work hard. When they come home, they’re tired and they need to relax. They don’t want to deal with house chores, over excited kids or cooking. They need someone to ease their day. They want their beautiful girlfriend to welcome them with a warm smile and a good delicious meal ready to be shared. Additionally, they need something only women can give: the joyful lightness and innocence of femininity, an inexplicable energy that soothes a man’s heart and make him ready to outperform himself again the next day.

The problem arises when a man is coupled with the typical independent woman who is also career oriented. She comes home in the same mental state as him: tired and stressed. She is understandably uninterested in doing house chores and don’t have the energy to take care of the kids. She is drained, roughed and rugged from a day of confrontation and office politics. She is not light; in fact, she’s become more masculine. In this situation, both the man and the woman need the nurturing and caring that neither can offer now that they have the same problems and needs. They can’t complement each other anymore.

Men don’t want to pay for something that’s been free

Nowadays, girls typically enjoy a lot of casual sex up until they hit thirty years old. Nothing wrong with that. However, you need to be honest with yourself and realize that certain things in life are mutually exclusive. You can’t have it both ways: don’t expect to be treated like a lady if you’ve never been one. Don’t expect flowers, romance and commitment if you have a past of hooking up with strangers at 3 am after having paraded your cooch Snooki style in front of the crowd all night. You’re not a wife; you’re a naughty little girl. Men won’t wine and dine you — we’ll have some passionate lusty sex with you and leave before the sun rises, like the other studs before us.

The father is not the head of his own household anymore

Men like to lead. They like to be masters of all areas of their lives, from their work and hobbies to their relationships. Their home is no exception. However, being the boss has become quite a hassle since disciplining your own children has been forbidden, as authority equates oppression in the eyes of many now. Society expects parents to treat their child as an equal, which prevents them from leading them in a desired direction. If men invest all their time and money into their family and they can’t be their leader, it becomes a rotten venture. A wise business man once said to not accept important responsibilities if the necessary power and authority that should come with them don’t.

The family laws are against men

You want the ultimate commitment: marriage. But men get destroyed and humiliated in courts. You good women out there might not know how bad it has become, but it’s a big factor in the equation for us. Why would we sign a contract that gives the other party all the advantages in case something goes wrong? Unfair divorce laws are a problem that is barely addressed. The bottom line is marriage is a suicidal deal for us — we’d rather just cruise along and see how it goes instead.

People are not compelled to grow up

Commitment and families are strongly correlated. Yet, society does not put enough demand on adults to form them anymore. More so, people are not required to accomplish anything at all: it’s possible to experience a life of party and frugality until you die. If a man can spend his entire time having satisfying noncommittal sex, traveling around the world visiting awesome landscapes, eating exquisite foreign cuisine, enjoying gorgeous sunsets on the beach, while being carefree with no responsibilities, then why the hell wouldn’t he? This also applies to women who just opt out of the family life despite their much stronger urge to have children.

Conclusion

In this world of short term pleasures and sexual relationships, nobody wants to catch feelings. Lazy courtship is just a way to maximize men’s investment by playing a numbers game. We want the sex without the strings, because nowadays, the strings stink. Men are busy enjoying the YOLO chicks who don’t give a fuck about anything, and you serious women out there who want a serious relationship are left with their desire unfulfilled.

This is not a hopeless situation however. While some of the influences mentioned above are out of your control, some are not. You can still make certain choices in your life to be more desirable and catch your man, even if the odds are against you. It’s not going to be easy, but if you understand the current situation and you persevere, you will find your happiness like all winners do. TC mark

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