Ladies, I hate to tell you, but you are one of the major reasons your love life is in a perpetual crisis. You’re probably so used to throwing around the words ‘fuckboys’, ‘assholes’ and ‘douchebags’ like confetti, that they may not even be true. I’m not denying the existence of players, cheats and liars.
However, I do hope you don’t victimize yourself to the point that you lose touch with reality. It’s true that men can be sex-obsessed. It’s also true that maybe you let him cross your personal boundaries too easily, and so he lost respect for you. It’s also true that maybe he did try his best to make it work, but you just weren’t as compatible as he initially thought. There are so many factors as to why a relationship didn’t work out, and the most juvenile way to handle it is using black and white stereotypes.
Calling him harsh names, whether you want to admit it or not, is a brilliant way to soothe your ego.
It’s easy to label a man as ‘commitment phobe’ or an ‘asshole’ rather than accepting the brutal truth that he thinks he can do better or still wants to play the field. It’s a common excuse that women use nowadays, and it’s only hurting their chances at finding someone good for them. Just because he thinks he can do better, doesn’t mean it’s true. He doesn’t define your self worth.
I’m really sorry if you had a bad experience once or twice, but if you have a string of shitty relationships with ‘assholes’, maybe the problem is not the entire population of men. Perhaps you should consider that maybe the problem is you.
Maybe you’re not growing from your experiences, you’re not learning from your own mistakes or those of your girlfriends, you’re not spotting the men who are trouble, maybe you don’t even want to.
Why are you still proving yourself to the guy who won’t love you back? Why don’t you try dating older, and commitment-oriented guys instead? Why don’t you listen when he tells you he isn’t serious? Why don’t you pay attention to his past relationship history?
Why don’t you break the pattern by identifying how you can improve yourself to become a high-value woman, so that you will accept nothing less than what is truly deserving of you?
The truth is that with the exceptions of psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists and the like, no man is fully ‘Nice Guy’ or fully ‘Asshole’.
You set your standards, and you set your self-worth. If you work on creating stronger boundaries, something magical will happen. You will weed out men who are only interested in your body. You will start to attract fewer but higher quality men who respect and appreciate you for who you are. If he tells you that he’s not looking for anything serious, or he’s not ready for a relationship right now, please believe him. It may seem like he is leading you on, or his behavior might prove otherwise, but if he’s already warned you, don’t give him more credit than he deserves.
I am sick of seeing so many wonderful women in shitty relationships. I am tired of hearing the same old sob story about another guy who broke your heart.
Don’t stoop down to his level, bring him up to yours or let him go. If he really likes you, he’ll reconsider and come back. If not, it’s not meant to be. Once you truly believe that, you won’t be heartbroken, just relieved that you dodged a bullet, because you were honest with yourself all along.
Please don’t only blame men and modern dating for your pathetic love life. Please take some responsibility for your own good.