6 Reasons Why I Don’t Like Your Inspirational Tumblr
If you lived each day like it was your last, you’d be poor, fat, and have a guttural beast of a hangover. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” apparently doesn’t apply to heart attacks, all means of corporal punishment, and psychological torture. The fourteen whiskey and diets you had last night won’t give you cirrhosis, they’ll make you stronger, petal.
And what about: “Twenty years from now you’ll be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did”? Really? Because God forbid I don’t give my cheating ex a fourth chance, try bath salts. or become besties with my white supremacist college roommate — I may regret it in 20 years. In 20 years I’ll be famous and have a pet tiger named Raja so I’m sure I won’t care about anything I did or did not do.
Misattributed and Unattributed Quotations
Buddha never said: “Live. Laugh. Love.” And I’m pretty sure “You are beautiful like a rainbow” isn’t a Swedish proverb. Worse still is when you swear you’ve heard it before, and you’re like, “Wait, isn’t that from The Crow?”
Apparently lens flare = inspiration: blade of grass, deserted roads, dew drops, clouds — oh the clouds! All are chock full of substance once you add light leaks. Favorite photos to augment with quotes include silhouettes of ladies with their arms up (much like a tampon commercial), bubbles, sprinkles, and berries. Additionally, post-its, cardboard signs à la the Occupy movement, and palms feature prominently as favorite places to position text.
Rainbow Color Patterns
Based on the sheer abundance of multicolored desserts (candies, ice cream cones, marshmallows, cupcakes, etc.) arranged in a ROYGBIV scheme, I can come to no other conclusion that these images were pillaged from the private food porn stash of an anorexic Lisa Frank creature.
The fonts either go two ways: the first being faux handwriting as if to say, “Lookie! I wrote this with a sharpie in cutesy bubble font: I must be true, because girlfriend, you get me!” Or the fonts are these colossal, bold sans serifs, looking all important like it’s going to say something Nike-like, but really it’s just a Nicholas Sparks quote that hurts your soul — and not in the way it’s intended to.
Preoccupation with Hearts and Love
I don’t care how good your graphic design skills are, heart-shape clouds, leaves, and fireworks will indelibly look fake because random occurrences of heart-shapes never crop up like that in the real world.
Also, despite the popularity of the concept, writing “love” on random crap like soda cans, and spelling it out in sand and on filthy car windows is senseless. Ditto for the words: “hope,” “dream,” “be happy,” and “live.”
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To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
I visited synagogues all over the world—from Syosset, to Beverly Hills, and back again to Jericho. Studies were made, tests were run, I tasted the blood of a virgin Jew and even conducted my very own bris.