Am I only with my partner because I’m afraid to be alone?
Which feeling is stronger, the love you have for your partner, or the fear of being alone? It’s easy to find comfort in being in a relationship, but is it your partner that makes you feel comfortable or companionship in general? Being alone isn’t nearly as bad as feeling alone in a relationship. It takes guts to go from ‘we’ to ‘I’ but feeling that initial discomfort is better than feeling completely unhappy when you’re with someone you used to think was right for you.
Will my partner ever change? Can I change them? Will they change for me?
When you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t change for your partner, you should change with your partner. If you don’t like the person they’re showing you they can be, then this relationship is most likely something that will constantly disappoint you. Relationships change people, that’s unavoidable, but you shouldn’t have to change yourself or someone else to make it work. You are who you are, and so is your partner. Find someone who loves you for that reason.
Am I putting in more effort than my partner to make this relationship work?
You shouldn’t have to wonder who is trying harder, and you can’t try to love someone, just like you can’t try to make someone love you. You either love them or you don’t. This isn’t to say relationships are effortless, but when the love is there, equal effort should be given by the both of you.
Is my partner distant because I let them see my flaws?
Your partner shouldn’t run away when you become vulnerable, if anything vulnerability should bring the two of you closer. If they truly love you, they’ll appreciate the moments you let them in.
How can I get things back to the way they used to be?
If you’re holding onto how your relationship used to be, and you’ve tried everything and anything to get back to that point, then you might want to consider letting go instead of holding on. Maybe when you finally begin to let go of how your relationship was, you can begin to accept the way it is. And if you can’t accept the way it is, then you can choose to leave.
Does my partner enjoy being intimate with me?
Your partner shouldn’t make you feel like being intimate with you is a chore, and you shouldn’t feel unwanted in any relationship. If you have to question whether or not they enjoy their intimate time with you, let alone any time with you at all, then you have to question your relationship as a whole. Sex isn’t everything, and it’s fine to occasionally not want to have it, but there’s an emotional connection that should remain in your relationship whether you’re having tons of sex or not, and it’s never satisfying to feel emotionally disconnected from your partner.
Has my partner been completely faithful?
Trust isn’t something you should question, it’s not something that should be partially present either. You and your partner need to fully trust one another, no questions asked.
Have they been in and out of my life more than they’ve been consistently in it?
On and off relationships are complete mind games. The partner who gives you ‘on-again, off-again’ love is the partner who’s interrupting you on your way to finding someone who will love you consistently. The ‘on-again, off-again’ partner can only handle certain parts of you, and when they have to handle the parts of you they don’t particularly enjoy, they leave, they turn that on-switch off and wait for a time that is convenient for them to turn it back on. Find someone who loves you constantly, even through the moments that aren’t convenient.
How can I get my partner to show me the love that I deserve?
You shouldn’t be asking how to get your partner to show you the love that you deserve, you should be asking yourself why you’re with someone who doesn’t. Don’t convince someone to love you, love someone who just does.
Is my unhappiness just an overreaction?
Unhappiness isn’t an overreaction; it’s a feeling, and it’s a feeling your partner shouldn’t be the cause of. You’re allowed to feel the way you do and your feelings are not illegitimate. You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, someone who makes you feel like your happiness is a priority.