Five Things They Lie To You About In High School
1. Drugs. Seriously, they’re not that bad. Recreational drugs have been around since the beginning of time and in this day and age when our BFF is our phone, it’s probably one of most social, human things we’re still doing as a society. It’s still a wise move to stay away from anything involving a needle to the arm, but if you and your pals enjoy some shrooms at Bonnaroo, no one’s gonna give you the electric chair. But there is a difference between use and abuse, and that definitely includes prescriptions. Smoke a couple bowls here and there – no one cares!
2. Getting pregnant. In high school, they tell you that every single time you have sex, even when you’re on the pill and the Nuva Ring and your boyfriend is wearing five condoms, you’re 100% going to get pregnant with triplets. It’s not that easy! Pay attention in Sex Ed when they talk about ovulation, figure out you or your girl’s cycle, and behave accordingly. Still use a condom, ya dumb-dumbs, but relax a little about doing it from the back because Julie told you that’s how she got pregnant. And you didn’t hear it from us, but pulling out has kept us baby-free since ’83 (JK).
3. Acne. For some of you, your skin in high school might be the clearest skin of your life. This may come as a shock but what those adult a-holes in high school don’t tell you is that your skin can completely freak out on you in college and even well into adulthood. Changes in hormones and every day stress can really take a toll on your body. Instead of the innocent red hue covering the bottom of your cheeks, you start noticing this “cystic acne” that looks like boils on your chin. As for what to do about it? Your dermatologist (who you never even saw in high school!) says you’re just “at that age.” It’s totally a crock, but be glad you know this now. Knowledge is power.
4. Your “permanent record.” Never seen the thing in my life.
5. “The best four years of your life.” Puh-leaze! What kind of “life” is going to six hours of classes all day? Wearing braces? Doing homework? Sneaking booze? Asking permission to urinate? Real life starts after high school, when you’re free to stay out past 2am, wake up in a strangers bed and still expect a paycheck the following week. You can do anything and you don’t have to tell anyone! You can be whoever you want to be and no reputation can hold you down. Listen, you could have been the biggest dweeb in your school but when you and your financial advisor want to talk about diversifying your portfolio, you’re not going to be eating your pudding cup alone in the cafeteria anymore. Throw that graduation cap high and never look back.
A | A | A
Nobody actually expects you to act like an adult for a while.
“What are you going to do with an English degree?”
I’m finding it hard to muster any sympathy for this asthmatic leatherneck. Instead, there is only contempt.
He noted that during trial, the women (we made up three out of the four mockers) mumbled to ourselves in between questioning witnesses.