A Madlibs Bio of Every Yoga Instructor I Have Ever Had
By Nicole Haber
[FIRST NAME] began practicing yoga in this lifetime in 2008. She began teaching in 2010, concurrently with her expulsion for [NAME OF DRUG] use at [UNIVERSITY NAME], a small liberal arts college located in New England. [FIRST NAME] has completed nearly 500 hours of teacher training — proving to her parents that she does not, in fact, have [NAME OF ATTENTION/LEARNING DISABILITY]. Her practice includes various styles of asana including ashtanga, bhakti flow, hatha, pilates and the vaguely-defined “fitness” — required for employment in any Gold’s Gym nationwide.
In 2009 [FIRST NAME] spent [NUMBER GREATER THAN 3 LESS THAN 18] months at the source of yoga; living and studying in [NAME OF ANY CITY/TOWN/VILLAGE], India. In India, [FIRST NAME] met Indira Pattabhi Patel who was to become her guru.
When not practicing yoga, [FIRST NAME] enjoys shopping for spandex, pausing too long between sentences and being an angry [VEGETARIAN/VEGAN/RAW FOOD EATER/PICKY PERSON].
[FIRST NAME] hopes to retire from yoga soon, start a family and become a massage therapist.
Namaste.