August 8, 2013

61 Hilariously Honest Jennifer Lawrence Quotes That Will Make Your Day

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If Jennifer Lawrence isn’t already your power animal, she should be. America’s motor-mouthed sweetheart is a forever quotable and gifable treasure, whose penchant for off-the-cuff honesty is second only to how down-to-earth and relatable she is. Without further ado (or more ass-kissing), these are the just some of the most awesome Jennifer Lawrence quotes. It’s not a best list by any means, because every Jennifer Lawrence quote is the best Jennifer Lawrence quote.

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1. “I wish this was like Mean Girls and I could just break this up and throw it at all of you!” – referencing Mean Girls while accepting her People’s Choice Award

2. “Teenagers only have to focus on themselves – its not until we get older that we realize that other people exist.” – via Brainy Quote

3. “I just went to the doctor today, I got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven.” – spilling to Jimmy Kimmel about a recent check-up

4. “He was at a party, and I turned into a perverted guy. I was like following him into rooms and staring at his ass…He asked me if I was on mushrooms and I said, ‘No. I’m dead sober. This is just me.'” – to Conan on meeting John Stamos at a party, who she politely stalked

5. “Don’t go see the movies, I’m a troll. I think the movie was great, but their biggest mistake was me.” – telling David Letterman her opinion on The Hunger Games

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6. “It’s so scary. And then I end up getting so nervous that I get like [I am] now. I get really hyper. [Squeals.] So then I go in interviews and I’m like, ‘I’m like a chihuahua! I’m shaking and peeing!’ And then afterwards, I’m like, ‘I just talked about peeing on the red carpet.’” – to Letterman about how she prepares for the red carpet

7. “I’m a horrible dancer! I’m like a dad at prom. I look like Gumby getting electrocuted.” – on whether or not you’ll see her twerking anytime soon

8. “The miserable ones are the ones where all the girls auditioning are in the same room. There’s no talking in those rooms. I’ve tried. Yesterday I had to do an interview. I was in a horrible mood. I couldn’t think of basic words. I could see my publicist in the background, mouthing things to say. They want you to be likable all the time, and I’m just not.” – on trying out for parts

9. “I’m the fastest pee-er ever. I’m famous for it.” – in Rolling Stone

10. “Peetniss? Penis?” – spitballing Peeta and Katniss portmanteaus on Unscripted

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11. “I can see the McDonalds right there. Wait, hold on, I didn’t say fries! I’m seeing you talk and all I’m seeing is me being pissed I didn’t get fries. And you have to remind them about ketchup because they never include ketchup, you have to ask for it. Cheapskates.” – while being interviewed on the Oscars red carpet

12. “Don’t worry about the bitches in school — that could be a good motto, because you come across people like that throughout your life.” – her advice to kids growing up today

13. “I was gonna say you should start exercising your vagina’” – on her fitness priorities to Chelsea Handler

14. “I want to play a character I’ve never been before-a crazy serial killer like Charlize Theron in Monster. I’d love to have to shave my head.” – to Interview on pushing herself

15. “Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everybody’s like, ‘How can you remain with a level head?’ And I’m like, ‘Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.’” – dishing to Vanity Fair about her experience in the business

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16. “‘What’s anal leakage? Dash, Jen Lawrence!'” – telling David Letterman about what she would tweet were she on Twitter

17. “I never play characters that are like me because I’m a boring person. I wouldn’t want to see me in a movie.” – on role selection

18. “This isn’t like an auction, right? You guys aren’t going to take it away?” – backstage at the Oscars, while holding her trophy

19. “As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it’s hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed with. You cup it, and then you throw it in someone’s face and say, ‘Take a bite out of that cheeseburger!'” – from her Catching Fire interview with Entertainment Weekly

20. “I should say it wasn’t real, for PETA. But screw PETA.” – discussing her experience skinning a squirrel for Winter’s Bone with Rolling Stone

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21. “I’m sorry that I hit your family. I thought I saw Honey Boo Boo.” – on Jay Leno, explaining what she told to the passengers in a car accident

22. “My agent called me at 5:30, and I thought the set of my movie had burned down, or Josh [Hutcherson] had died, or something…I didn’t realize! I was so tired!” – on news of her Golden Globe nom

23. “I like the financial security because I know how hard it is for so many people who struggle to earn a living. I’m grateful I don’t have to worry about money and I can live very freely and do something I love and get paid very well to do it. I tell my friends to slap me if they ever think I’m getting full of myself.” – in an interview with Britain’s The Mirror about fame

24. “I wrap myself up to look like Lord Voldemort so that they can’t see anything because the thought of giving them a picture that will make them money absolutely infuriates me.” – to Entertainment Weekly about what she does to keep the paparazzi away

25. “I would be Wes Bentley’s beard.” – when asked what other Hunger Games character she would play, if not Katniss

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26. “I was having chest pains. Photoshop made it glamorous.” – telling Access Hollywood about putting her hand over her chest during a photo shoot

27. “Yeah, it changed my personality and my value system, absolutely. Why wouldn’t it?” – when Clevver TV asked if winning an Oscar “changed her”

28. “Thank you. You’re a very secure woman.” – after a female audience member shouted “I love you!” during a Comic-Con panel

29. “I had to have running training because I’m not a very good runner. I run weird. … The hardest stunt is probably basic running. And trying not to hit myself in the face with my bow, are my two greatest challenges.” – on the same panel, about training for The Hunger Games movies

30. “Is your rash doing okay?” – interrupting Josh Hutcherson’s red carpet interview with a very pertinent question

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31. “Whenever I really want a part, I’m not sure what to do. How do I let the director know how obsessed I am and willing to do anything for the movie? Like, I wanted to write this one director a letter, so I wrote him a handwritten note. But then I was like, ‘How many people are writing this guy handwritten letters? Is it going to seem cheesy? What do I do? Do I sleep outside of his house until he agrees to give me the part?’…It makes you feel super crazy. It’s like, ‘Please give me this part! I’ll boil a rabbit!’” – in Interview about the lengths she’ll go to get a role she loves

32. “I’d have walked on hot coals to get the part. I thought it was the best female role I’d read – ever. I was so impressed by Ree’s tenacity and that she didn’t take no for an answer. For the audition, I had to fly on the redeye to New York and be as ugly as possible. I didn’t wash my hair for a week, I had no makeup on. I looked beat up in there. I think I had icicles hanging from my eyebrows.” – on auditioning for Winter’s Bone

33. “I’m about to read the third book again. I’d like to refresh. Or, I’ve just never read it. I’m going to get the audio tapes.” – to Josh Horowitz, about getting ready for the next Hunger Games film

34. “Candy, almonds, my phone, a Baby Ruth, Laffy Taffy.” – on the contents of her Oscar purse

35. “My publicist told me that a magazine was going to say I was having a thing with either Sam Claflin or Bradley Cooper, and I got to choose. And I chose Bradley Cooper because I love Sam’s fiancée so much. [Sam is] so sweet. So sweet that he’s almost not hot anymore.” – in an interview about starting her own rumors

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36. “Once I’m obsessed with somebody, I’m terrified of them instantly. I’m not scared of them — I’m scared of meand how I will react. Like, for instance, one time someone was introducing me to Bill Maher, and I saw Meryl Streep walk into the room, and I literally put my hand right in Bill Maher’s face and said, ‘Not now, Bill!’ and I just stared at Meryl Streep. [...] I just creepily stared at her.” – telling Vanity Fair about getting starstruck

37. “I picked up an issue of Cosmopolitan the other day that had tips for job interviews, because I was like, ‘I need to get better at interviews.’ The article was basically about how to get someone not to hate you in 20 minutes. Every single thing they told you not to do, I was like, ‘I do that every day.’” – to Interview about what she thinks of Cosmo advice columns

38. “I never think it’s right to chew gum in front of other people, but a lot of times I’ll come in for a meeting chewing gum and I’ll forget I’m chewing it. Then you don’t want to swallow it because it stays in your system for seven years or something, so I’ve asked to throw it away. I’ve started to wonder if that’s why I didn’t get certain movies.” – on getting turned down for parts

39. “And poor Jesse Eisenberg was talking about all of his OCDs, and then I was like, ‘Dude, your OCDs are awesome!’ And he’s like, ‘I’ve actually been suffering from it my whole life,’ and I’m like, ‘I don’t care! Ha ha ha!’ I was nuts.” – when she met Jesse Eisenberg

40. “Helena Bonham Carter and Jeff Bridges waved at me. And, of course, it would be absurd if they were waving at me, so I just stared at them. I stared at both of them. And they were like, ‘Alright, fine.’” – telling Access Hollywood about meeting her idols

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41. “I feel like all I’ve been doing lately is setting him up. I was like, ‘You know what? I’m gonna save time and just get you a booklet with pictures of my friends. You just go through and pick them out, because this is getting exhausting.'” – also with MTV, on playing matchmaker for Bradley Cooper

42. “I’d rather look chubby on screen and like a person in real life.” – telling Marie Claire about her much-publicized weight “struggles”

43.  “No, that’s not a vampire deal, that’s just a very violent, futuristic movie where kids are randomly selected from their home districts to fight in an arena to the death. But we don’t drink blood — that’s sick.” – on David Letterman, responding to the “parallels” between Twilight and The Hunger Games

44. “Adele was [at] the next table over. And I had such a high fever, and I felt like I couldn’t move, and I saw Adele, and there was nobody in the way…And I just reached my arm out and went, ‘Hi, uh—’ [Falls over.] And my dad goes, ‘What? Jen? What’s the matter?’ And I was like, ‘Iwuzjustalkadele.’” – During Jimmy Kimmel Live, on seeing Adele at the Oscars

45. “It was supposed to do that, though. I planned it. I was concerned people would start talking about the award that I won, and my acting, so I thought I’d pull a stunt just to get things back to where they need to be.” – joking with Vogue about her SAG wardrobe malfunction

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46. “If I don’t have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on.” – responding to a question in Glamour about what she does in her free time

47.  “Sorry! That was phlegm. That was so powerful. I’m like a dragon!” – after coughing on David Letterman

48. “Backstage, I just peed like every 3 seconds. I think your staff thinks I have diarrhea.” – doing her thing on Chelsea Lately

49.  “I hate saying, ‘I like exercising’ — I want to punch people who say that.” – discussing her workout routine

50. “I stopped at Harvey Weinstein’s party for a little bit, got my parents drunk, and then I left and went home.” – on partying hard after the Oscars

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51.  “I always feel like an idiot every time I fly first class because I’m a kid. And I just sit there, and everyone’s got their newspapers and they’re on the computer, and I’m like, ‘Can I get a coloring book, please? Can I get some crayons?’” – to Jimmy Fallon about her flying routine

52. “I think people are fascinated with breasts that bounce. They are so used to seeing [fake ones]. People are confused [that mine bounce]! My breasts have a life of their own.” – to the Sun, about the attention her boobs get

53. “I don’t like going out that much. I’m kind of an old lady. After it’s 11, I’m like, ‘Don’t these kids ever get tired?’ When I’m out, I think about my couch. Like, ‘It would be awesome to be on it right now. I bet there’s an episode of Dance Moms on. Am I missing a new episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians?…I like people to come over to my place. It’s like a reality TV show cave. I just learned how to work TiVo. That changed my life. Reality TV is my silver lining. At the end of the day, there’s probably nothing that makes me feel better than junk food and reality TV.” – when Marie Claire asked about her nightlife

54. “Do bears s–t in the woods?!” – responding to Kristin Chenoweth, who asked her if she likes Dance Moms

55. “You should be off pudding. Because you’re fat. You shouldn’t eat any more pudding.” – a barb directed at Zach Galifianakis during “Between Two Ferns,” when he called her “off-putting”

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56. “Hi, Woody, I’m J — is that a sex swing?” – the first sentence she said to Woody Harrelson, after seeing that he had a yoga swing in his bus

57. “I’d like to direct at some point. But I don’t know because 10 years ago I would have never imagined that I’d be here. So in 10 years from now, I might be running a rodeo.” – to Flare about what she envisions for the future

58. “I thought you said ‘hump squirrels.’ This is the one where I hump squirrels, yes.” – on after being asked if she’s “hunting” squirrels in Catching Fire

59. “It’s almost like I subconsciously don’t want to work anymore, so I’m trying to ruin my career. [I lied and told someone] I’m pregnant!…I did this to the New York Times. My publicist called me and was like, “This is the New York Times. Be serious.” And then I found myself talking about orgies in three seconds.” – to Entertainment Weekly on letting her freak flag fly

60. “You guys are just standing up because you feel bad that I fell and that’s really embarrassing, but thank you.” – from her Best Actress acceptance speech, after she tripped onstage.

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61. “Anybody who makes fun of me [for falling], I’m just gonna go, ‘Yeah, and then I got touched by Hugh Jackman.'” – finding the silver lining in her Oscar faux pas

Readers, which are your personal favorites? Are there any that I — a dirty, rotten scoundrel — have missed? Leave your own quotes in the comment. Let us bask in the Jennifer Lawrence love. TC mark

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twitter image – Jaguar PS / Shutterstock.com/ thumbnailimage – AOL Unscripted

Note: This post originally used the term “spirit animal” instead of power animal, and a friend pointed out that was cultural appropriation. I changed it out of respect. This is an article for others wondering what the offense might be.

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