18 Signs You’re Obsessed With Meryl Streep
1. You know her birth name and middle name without looking. Bonus points if you know what state and/or city she was born in. (Yes, I knew that without looking. No, I’m not exactly proud of it.)
2. You get annoyed when people misquote her lines in The Devil Wears Prada, even if they just use the wrong preposition or put the wrong emphasis on the line. It’s “Am I reaching for the stars here?” not “Am I reaching for the stars here?”
3. You get upset when people only know her as “that woman from Mamma Mia!” or “the old lady in It’s Complicated.” Meryl Streep does not age. She ripens.
4. You can name every single one of her Oscar wins and most of her nominations. You probably can’t name all of her Globe nominations, because there are too many. Once Meryl Streep sneezed at the Golden Globes and they gave her another award for it. She made them really feel that sneeze.
5. You have recurring dreams about her, including dreams that you are Meryl Streep. Unfortunately, you have to wake up to a world where you are not Meryl Streep. This is the curse we all live with.
6. You honestly think that she could do anything, and any time a role is being cast, you instinctively throw her name in the ring — because she should play all the roles, like Eddie Murphy in every movie. Ladies and gentlepeople, I give you Fifty Shades of Meryl — with both roles played by the world’s greatest actress. She’s so talented that she can tie herself up.
7. You watched Emily Owens, M.D., just because her daughter was in it. (If you’ve seen Side Effects yet, Mamie Gummer is in it for all of two seconds. I spent both of them peeing myself.)
8. You get upset with people who use the phrase “the Meryl Streep of her generation.” Meryl Streep is the Meryl Streep of every generation. I love you, Jessica Chastain, but you best back down. Streep has got this.
9. You loved Jennifer Lawrence even more when you found out she shared your taste in Streep. The girl has her priorities straight.
10. You’ve watched almost everything she’s been in, including lesser catalog work like Prime, Evening, Defending Your Life, House of the Spirits and She-Devil (which I still argue is delicious). Does anyone remember early-80s entries Falling in Love and Plenty? You do.
11. You’ve gone as Meryl Streep for Halloween at least once, because her movies give you so many options for costumes. I saw at least two zombie Maggie Thatchers last year, and I didn’t even care that Thatcher’s not actually dead. It still made me happy.
12. You would watch her in anything, even an Adam Sandler movie. If she had played Sandler’s twin sister in Jack and Jill, you might have watched it. You wouldn’t have been happy about it and would have had to burn the sight of Al Pacino rapping about Dunkin’ Donuts out of your brain, but you would have watched it. Michael Bay, take notes if you’re serious about torturing us with another Transformers movie. The least you can do is put Meryl Streep in it.
13. You don’t have many dealbreakers for friendships or dating, but liking Meryl Streep is the bare minimum. Besides, who doesn’t like her? That’s not even a thing.
14. You often refer to Meryl Streep as Jesus or God (who are the same thing, right?) and have been known to praise her instead of God. Does God have three Oscars and eight Golden Globes? I think not. (Bonus points if you have your religion listed on Facebook as “Meryl Streep.”)
15. Most kids want to grow up to be astronauts, athletes, firemen and professions that could have pornos about them. You wanted to be Meryl Streep when you grew up, which is the sexiest profession there is.
16. You were the only young person in the theatre when you saw Julie and Julia, Doubt and/or Hope Springs, which you saw on or near opening weekend. Meryl Streep is your event movie.
17. You’ve made your profile picture or banner on Facebook a picture of Meryl Streep at least once — to broadcast your Streep obsession. Friends also tend to leave articles about Streep or Meryl memes on your wall, because your love for her can be seen from space.
18. You want to see her run on the same ticket as Hillary Clinton in 2016. Clinton/Streep would be an unbeatable team. She’d have to be Veep — to give Streep time to also be the Pope. There is no other choice. #changeiscoming
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Nobody actually expects you to act like an adult for a while.
“What are you going to do with an English degree?”
I’m finding it hard to muster any sympathy for this asthmatic leatherneck. Instead, there is only contempt.
He noted that during trial, the women (we made up three out of the four mockers) mumbled to ourselves in between questioning witnesses.