This is a hugely objective list of 42 of Arrested Development’s embarrassing wealth of clever one-liners and exchanges, which was whittled down from an original list of 100. (You’re welcome.) According to Mitchell Hurwitz, each episode contains thousands of jokes, so it would be hard to include all of them. In patrticular, no list could ever do justice to the great, great Charlize Theron in Monster cutaway from Season 3, which almost gave me a heart attack the first time I saw it.
After polling friends and the internet, this is what I came up with. You’ll notice a lot of Lucille (the gay favorite), Tobias and G.O.B. and no George Michael, who really was the Ringo of AD. Poor Ringo.
Maeby: Do you guys know where I can get one of those gold necklaces with a “T” on it?
Michael: That’s a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?
Do I believe that Maeby wouldn’t know what a cross is? No. Is it hilarious anyway? Absolutely.
Lindsay: I care deeply for nature.
Michael: You’re wearing ostrich-skin boots.
Lindsay: Well, I don’t care about ostriches.
Lindsay is like a walking PETA target.
Michael: Mom, after all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you.
Well, God is very busy talking to Mike Huckabee. It might be hard to get him on the phone.
Michael: Can’t a guy call his mother pretty without it seeming strange?
Buster: Amen. And how about that little piece of tail on her? Cute!
Michael: I’ve opened a door here that I regret.
So many great incest references, so little space.
Lucille: I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.
Just reading this makes me want to stress eat.
Michael: Why are you squeezing me with your body?
Lucille: It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you.
Michael makes her sound like a boa constrictor. This is probably accurate.