September 17, 2012

How To Occupy Wall Street

Report This Article
What is the issue?

1. Find a realtor.

2. Ask them to show you around Wall Street.

3. Find a nice place, preferably with a second bedroom for when you have guests.

4. Put in a bid for the place you like.

5. Hopefully they’ll accept the bid. If they didn’t, repeat steps 2-4.

6. Welcome to Wall Street!

7. Alternatively, you could stand around unorganized and unwashed and have no central leadership to your political movement, which is, to be honest, what a political movement is all about (leadership).

8. Have your political movement coopted by dirty hippies who want to push their own hyper-liberal agendas like “legalize pot” (this will not happen) or “boo to inequality!” which is just stupid because that’s like protesting against frowns.

9. This will, in turn, convolute the message even further.

10. Hang out in a park for a year and wonder why nobody is taking you seriously.

11. Fail to understand it’s because, as right as you are about the banks fucking everyone over, Occupy has failed because of a total lack of organization because too many people in the movement are greedy and want their own agendas to succeed, which is kind of what you were fighting against in the first place.

12. Also, the fact that the general public has no idea what you truly stand for other than you are “very angry about the banks” / “police” / “inequality” is totally detrimental. Sure, dude, everyone is angry about those things, but that’s like campaigning on a “WATER IS WET” platform. Get some actual facts and present those instead of this whiney liberal noise. And I say that as a supporter of the movement. I just wish you would get your shit together.

13. And I also say that as a whiney liberal.

14. So whiney and liberal that I actually enjoy The Newsroom.

15. Marvel at the fact that people are getting arrested on the one-year anniversary.

16. Repeat. TC mark

Ned Hepburn

Ned Hepburn is a writer, traveler, and bon vivant currently residing in New York City. He has written and worked …

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 69,168 other followers