December 12, 2012

Thought Catalog’s Lies Of The Year

Today the website PolitiFact named their annual “Lie of the Year” winner, awarding it to Mitt Romney for his commercial on Jeeps being made in China. In this spirit, we here at Thought Catalog wanted to award our own Lies of the Year. Here are the nominees, by category.

Palindrome6696
Palindrome6696

The Talking to the Homeless Category

“Sorry, I’ve got nothing.”

“If I knew they were going to buy food with it, I’d totally give them money, you know?”

“I only have a dollar. Here you go.”

“Ugh, it’s so sad what they have to go through. I lose sleep over it sometimes.”

The First Date Category

“This is new to me. I don’t go out on that many dates.”

“Stockbroker.”

“I really love reading. Russian novels, mostly. I’m a big fan of Doesto… Doestoy… the guy who wrote Crime and Punishment.”

“I’m pretty traditional. I want sex to be with someone special.”

The Online Comment Box Category

“My BEST FRIEND is black so I can say that!”

“I actually met Jeff Tweedy one time and he told me that this song is about regret for an old girlfriend he had in Omaha.”

“this totez sucks I could have wrote it better.”

“Justin Bieber is the greatest musical genius EVER!!!!!!!!!!”

The Sex Category

“That’s never happened before.”

“It’s OK. Most guys can’t get me off.”

“No, I like it when you lick my feet.”

“I have a Sunday breakfast meeting, which is a thing.”

The Talking to Parents Category

“I’m not drunk.”

“I don’t NEED the money; it would just help a little.”

“He’s great, Mom.”

“No, I’m just not waking up at a stranger’s house. YES, I will call grandma today.”

The Job Category

“I worked on it all weekend.”

“Listen, I want this project to succeed as much as you do.”

“Well, I’m stretched pretty thin already, so you might want to look elsewhere for help on that.”

“We all respect the interns for what they do for this company.”

The Hip Category

“Yeah I saw them in ’97 in front of like 12 people. It was amazing.”

“I liked Watchmen when it was a graphic novel.”

“I read that in college but don’t really remember a lot of it.”

“I think Joyce declined in his later years.”

The To Your Doctor Category

“I’ve been really safe. No chance I have HPV.”

“How many drinks a week? Three. Maybe four.”

“How many sexual partners a year? Three. Maybe four.”

“How many times have I done hard drugs? Thre… Never. Never.”

The Significant Other Category

“Staring? No. I just thought I recognized her from somewhere.”

“You’re the best I ever had.”

“I only think about you in bed, baby.”

“You’re not crazy.” TC mark

Nathan Savin Scott

Nathan Savin Scott is a writer based in Washington, DC. He enjoys writing about music, sports, and was briefly a High …