Thought Catalog
April 13, 2017

This Is Why We Need To Stop Calling Single Women ‘Picky’

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What is the issue?
God&Man

We all know those people who ask you why you’re single (which is annoying enough on its own), then tell you you’re just being too picky.

Since when is waiting for the right person a bad thing? I’m not talking about waiting for a guy who has brown hair, blue eyes, is 6’4, built like Channing Tatum and makes $100,000 a year picky. I’m talking about not willing to settle for a guy who you just don’t feel it with. “Standards” to me are not to determine if someone is “worthy”. They are loving yourself and not settling for anyone who doesn’t make your heart burst.

Just because someone is looking for a relationship doesn’t mean they should be with the first person who shows they’re interested.

Just because someone is looking doesn’t mean they don’t also deserve the sweep you off your feet, passionate love that comes when you meet someone you truly want to be with. Sometimes you just don’t “feel” it with someone. So why does that make you picky?

Before I dated my first boyfriend I was really passionate about a different guy. But he didn’t feel the same way. The one who did? The one that I dated. And guess what?

That was a mistake.

My ex and I were never meant to be together, but I wanted someone, and he felt the same way. Did I like him? Yes, of course. But I didn’t have the same longing for him as I did for the other guy, and I didn’t at any point in our relationship.

I loved him, and nothing I am saying now changes that, but it wasn’t the right love. It was a safe love. Life is too short for safe love. Love is meant to be passionate, it is meant to be something worth fighting for. I loved my ex, but I wasn’t in love with him.

The way this is going, you may assume that I was the one who finally ended the relationship. That isn’t true. I was comfortable in my safe love, because I was comfortable settling for it in the first place. And when he ended it, it hurt. A lot.

But what I realize now, is even though he will be someone’s everything, he wasn’t mine. Ours wasn’t a passionate love. It was safe love. And losing someone who you thought couldn’t stop loving you because it was safe makes you feel like you’re not worth loving at all. How can the “safe” choice hurt you? Its supposed to be the safe choice for a reason.

So if the safe choice can still lead to heartbreak… why be safe at all? Choose passionate love. Choose the love where you instantly feel like you can’t imagine not knowing them. Choose the love that you wouldn’t give up for the life of you. Fall in love with your life. Fall in love with yourself. And choose to be picky. Because being picky just means that you’re holding out for something great – for real, sweep you off your feet love. TC mark