Thought Catalog
March 16, 2017

There Are No Regrets In This Life, Only Lessons

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Johannes

I never regret. I have literally never regretted anything. I know that a popular question when getting to know someone is “What is your biggest regret?” or “If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?” But perspective truly is everything. It will make or break your past, present and most importantly your future.

If you regret something, it’s because you didn’t learn from it. If you learned something, some kind of lesson, then you should by no means live with any kind of regret.

I know that relationship ended terribly, but you learned from it. And I don’t mean that you twist this and say, ‘yeah I learned that love isn’t real and that you can’t trust anyone’ – that is bitterness talking – meaning you aren’t over the situation, much less close to finding the meaning of that particular lesson.

Life will continue to repeat its lessons until they are learned. Until then, you will find yourself living the same situations, just with different faces.

One of the life lessons that you must pass is living without regret. This doesn’t mean that you don’t care about your decisions or their effects. It means you will not place chains over your own wrists because of your choices, and make yourself your own prisoner, undeserving of all the beauty life has to offer you.

I don’t care how rotten you think you are. You are deserving of happiness and hope.

The secret to living with no regrets is simple. Forgive yourself. Even if everyone else forgives you, it wouldn’t matter.

You will not move forward until you forgive yourself. This is when healing begins.

After some time has passed by, you will realize that although you didn’t think you would be able to, you are breathing, walking, and going through your day without feeling a heavy weight over you. It is when you get to this point, or even in the midst of your recovery, that you find the lesson. You see that some people simply cannot be loved. Not because you aren’t enough, but because they don’t allow others in, and you truly do need to let love in.

You learn that trust isn’t built through texting all day, but by actions that back up those conversations. You figure out that the friends who are worth keeping are the ones that are there for you in small issues as well as emergencies.

You learn that even with all that you were put through in a situation; you made it. You survived a situation that you thought you would never recover from. You discover that even at the bottom of the pit, you are strong.

That means that even with all the losses, you win.

Because the fact of the matter is, if you didn’t learn anything, then yes, you did waste your time. However, if you are able to see the small pearl in the midst of the black sea, then you earned an experience. You have earned a pearl of wisdom, and wisdom is unfortunately not always gained through a book or advice from a friend. Some pearls are only received through firsthand experience. Most of the time, the most valuable pearls are the ones that have been through the harshest tribulation.

So you thought he was the guy you would marry. At least you found out beforehand that he wasn’t the one before you actually tied the knot and invested so much more than you already have. Ask any of the thousands of divorcees in the U.S and they will agree.

So you offered up your heart and it was wrecked. Again. I am not going to say that it means your one-step closer to finding your forever person. Setting that aside, you are one level deeper in wisdom. Which is much more valuable. The wisdom gained through each heartbreak will serve you in the next relationship. Learn from your pain.

You win, even if things didn’t go the way you wanted, because you learned something.

You got something out of the experience. You dared to actually live. Just because the outcome wasn’t the one your fantasized about doesn’t mean life is trying to punish you for pursuing your desires.

On the contrary, your eyes will carry more life in them through every trial because you stepped out of your fear. Never stop doing that. No matter how much pain or regret you may be feeling, don’t you ever be afraid to love. Don’t be afraid to fight for love when you know it is worth it.

What you experienced was good for you. I promise.

You truly lose when you refuse to see any good in life. Staying in a negative mindset is easier – except, it won’t get you anywhere. You will not always immediately see the benefit in the failure, nor will you always want to venture out to find it, but strive for it. You will get upset. It is okay to be disappointed. For a time.

People will continue to give you reasons to regret your decisions. The power lies in your mind. This is where everything changes from trying to get you down, to opportunities that propel you to go even farther in life.

That is called the beauty in adversity and it is attainable. You are capable of being surrounded by complete darkness yet still forcing out a powerful light. You can do this. TC mark

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