40 Things You Can Only Get Away With In College
By Nat Mullins
- Ironing clothes while you are wearing them.
- Using a hair straightener as an iron.
- Urinating anywhere other than a restroom.
- Multiplying your closet by the average number of roommates and/or guests in your home.
- Using a wine bottle as a rolling pin to make Christmas cookies…for your parents.
- Having no shame in eating a spoonful of peanut butter, jar in hand, while walking to class; the same goes for eating cereal out of a Solo cup.
- Believing that drinking while doing any mundane activity makes it inherently more fun.
- Day drinking.
- Hitting “snooze” for an hour.
- Wearing the same clothes for a period lasting longer than 24 hours.
- Spending an entire day watching the latest Netflix binge in order to ignore responsibilities.
- Wearing sweatpants for more than just errands and sleep.
- Eating burritos every day for a month by choice; eating cold beans out of a can for a month, not by choice.
- Your concept of time is based on when you eat.
- Stealing to-go condiment cups from the cafeteria to make Jell-O shots.
- Stealing cups, plates, and utensils from dining halls.
- Using the abandoned clothing in public laundry rooms as your personal shopping mall.
- Finding a stranger’s laundry in your own and trying your best to rationalize keeping it.
- Substituting vodka for hand sanitizer.
- Purchasing wine in a box—without shame. (C’mon, they’re stackable that way.)
- Waking up with half of your makeup on your pillow and the other half on your face.
- Stealing trashcan lids and serving trays to go sledding.
- Parties.
- Knowing where to get a used blowup doll on short notice.
- Using a paper towels as coffee filters.
- Having Domino’s on speed dial.
- Believing that it is perfectly normal to have a bed in your living room.
- Having a couch on your front porch.
- Naming your living space anything other than “home.”
- Your recycling bin is filled with 90% bottles.
- Stealing signs to use as “urban décor.”
- “Repurposing” “found” items.
- Mopping floor using dish soap, water, and a towel while dancing to what is probably Taylor Swift.
- Shower beer/shower food.
- Drinking from items <em>other</em> than glasses.
- Using hashtags in conversation.
- Referring to BuzzFeed as your one and only source of news.
- Using the words “ratchet,” “turn up,” or “twerk” in an unironic context.
- Dumpster-diving for groceries, but paying for valet parking.
- Overdrawing your account because of “Thirsty Thursday” and/or Chipotle.