There Is Beauty In Learning

I’ve learned that kisses aren’t contracts and holding hands doesn’t mean forever. I’ve learned that a chemical attraction is a fire-starter, not a foundation. Talk is cheap but smiles are free, and we must develop a forgiving attitude because most people are trying the best they can.

I learned that miracles happen every day. All laws of nature can be defied by more powerful means than humans. I learned that feelings of euphoria and ecstasy could be produced just by daydreaming. But saying goodbye, whether forever or for a month, changes things. Something snapped. We had been kinked like hoses and the pressure of sadness pushed the emotions out. Then the water shut off, the hose slowly emptied out, and it all came to a halt.

Looking back on it now, it can only be explained as a dream. But I took souvenirs from the world I created in my mind. Physical things — tickets, photos, gifts — came with me from my fairytale into this life. That’s a miracle.

I learned that my mental, physical, and emotional connection with another person cannot be mirrored or duplicated. We all experience connections differently. This one gave me energy every day and I could never get enough, I always needed more. Then when my source of energy slowed, I learned that I could survive on less if I needed to. It’s not healthy, and it’s not passionate, but it will keep me alive and searching for more.

I learned that a trip to the moon is bound to have a rough landing. I learned that I can place my feet in another’s footprints, but if that person never turns around, I’m only wasting my own time. I learned that when someone sleeps with their back to me, it’s time for me to tiptoe out of sight.

I learned to close and latch the door behind me as I crept out of the scene. The old adage “out of sight, out of mind” remains the ruthless truth. But those brown eyes kept me hanging onto every word. The forehead kisses convinced me it was all worth staying for. Then all I could hear were those words, louder and clearer than Park Avenue in June, ringing and repeating in my ears.

I learned that hurtful words are burning coals in my hand but it’s often too difficult to drop them. I’ve learned that hearing “I’m sorry” will make me forget every wrong that’s been done against me. And I’ve learned that I give out extra chances as if they’re coupons.

I learned that a handwritten letter isn’t a vow. I learned that danger and fear are only figments of the mind. I’ve learned that immaturity and selfishness don’t always go hand in hand. I learned that all feelings are temporary, and that one individual moment is not my whole life.

I learned that my reaction to every action represents my character more than anything else. I’ve learned to do what I love, but also that sometimes we must make sacrifices and that life isn’t just a big party. Some of my best-learned lessons came after doing something that I didn’t want to do. I learned that the person who cares less has more power, and that being the one who cares more leads to getting hurt.

I learned that perfection is like a rainbow, it’s perceived but can never be attained, never be touched or saved. Like towards a mirage in the desert, one will continue chasing perfection only to be stifled every time. I will never be able to grasp the hope it holds. I’ve learned that perfection would not satisfy me anyway. I fall in love with flaws too easily.

I learned that actions are like a candle flame in a dark room. The acts may be small in reality, but their effects are far reaching like light into each corner. However, there will always be some parts of the room still hidden in shadows. I’ve learned that the things which cannot be seen are just as important as that which is in plain view. “What you don’t know won’t hurt you,” until you know it. I learned to be aware.

I learned that everything I was and everything I’ve been is not everything I’ll be. I’m not where I’ll end up but I am on my way. I’ve learned that some people are like cheap sunglasses. The kind that are cute and fun, and will serve their purpose well for a period of time. But ultimately they will fool me. I will start to love them and hope they’ll last forever just before they break.

I learned that I can’t change anyone other than myself. I have learned to listen to my heart when it speaks to me. I learned that important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies meet. I learned that some bridges are worth burning, some are worth crossing, and others are worth taking pictures of and walking away. Some bridges simply don’t lead anywhere of importance.

I learned that sometimes life is like speeding down the road in a brand new Nissan GT-R just to be stopped short by a dead end. It’s full of heart-racing adrenaline, loud music, and wind in my hair. Then I learned that if something seems too good to be true, it is. I learned that the first cut is not always the deepest, nor the most painful, nor lasts the longest. Each wound hurts and heals differently. I learned that heartache is not an anchor but a propellor.

But finally, I’ve learned to keep my eyes on the road ahead so that I don’t trip over the present while looking at the past. I always stop to smell the flowers on the side of my path, and once in awhile, I pick one and carry it with me for an extra reason to smile.