When they took their wedding photos, she kept making “get me outta here!” faces at the camera and said to the photographer at one point, “Can we not do so much touching?” Pretty hard to watch.
The world of dog ownership is something that I’m pretty well-versed on and I’d never heard, “don’t leave your bra hanging on a doorknob because your tiny dog could accidentally stick his head through the strap and get mixed up trying to get out and walk in fifty cute little circles until he’s dead.”
Just like you can’t learn how to be funny, you can’t learn how to be a hustler. But you certainly can fake it—just ask Dane Cook.
I’ve been overthinking again — Is it okay to refer to your overweight friend as “fat” if you yourself are overweight?
The little quips that used to make you laugh now make you sigh and look out the window.
First of all, holla. Second of all, please stop saying “holla.”
Drinking is the only way I can think of that’ll wash all your sad sober feelings away that doesn’t involve putting yourself through drug dealer drama (the most painful drama I can think of — they’re so aware they have the upper hand) or stealing prescription medication from a hook up.
If you can’t sell it on eBay, throw it away. Anything you pull out of a crevice that you haven’t used in the past three months, throw it out. You don’t need it. You will never need it but on the off chance you do, you will be able to buy a new one once you are settled. If you’re moving a three-year-old Swiffer, you don’t understand life.
You might say, “Shoot, I had a meeting at 4 today across town. I’m probably going to miss it.” To that, the Narcissist would probably reply with something like, “I have a meeting at 5 and it’s next door, but it’s like, the biggest meeting I’ve had in a couple weeks so, that sucks.”
Never have I had to defend a reality TV star the way I have with Chantal. To the world she was a selfish, lazy mean girl with the stature of an Olsen twin and the unwarranted arrogance of Kanye West. To me, she was everything.