1. Others sometimes think you have a limited vocabulary.
“Can’t you think of something better to say?” They ask, almighty judgment dripping from their pure and pristine tongues.
“No, I can’t. It was goddamn fitting to scream ‘FUCK!’ because I stubbed my fucking toe,” you reply.
2. KIDS. MOTHERFUCKING KIDS.
They’re everywhere, amirite? And, they always seem to be within earshot when you say something particularly foul. Horrified parents rush to cover their children’s ears, but it’s too late. The damage has been done and you’re left feeling like an asshole. YOU DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE THERE!!!!
Oh well, they would have heard it one day, right?
3. People think you’re unprofessional, despite you working your damn ass off.
You meet your deliverable deadlines, you stay after hours, you do your best work always and treat your coworkers with respect. You just like the word “fuck” a lot. And that’s just fucking fine, thank you very much.
4. Family. Gatherings.
This is a particularly difficult situation for you to navigate. You love your family, you do, but you know most won’t appreciate you cursing like a sailor. Especially your grandma. And your mother. And your aunt with the seven year old (see point 2).
5. Accidentally swearing in your apology for swearing.
And after you’ve sworn in front of your grandma, seven year old cousin, mother, etc. you’re probably told to watch your mouth, right? But, since some swear word is always at the tip of your tongue and ready to pounce, your apology usually sounds something like “Shit, sorry.”
6. Interacting with new people is stressful for you because you don’t know how they feel about cussing.
Society says swearing is offensive. Although you think that’s bullshit, it’s just a fact. Many people don’t appreciate the poetry of saying “fuck” on a summer’s day. And while that’s their problem, you’re not an asshole. You want to respect others’ boundaries and wishes. But you also really fucking love swearing. So it’s always a tightrope walk with new people, figuring out who’s cool with your pirate mouth and those who would like you to just, like, stop.
7. You feel super weird around people who don’t swear.
Since you’re fucking considerate, when you find those who are offended by swearing or don’t use this language, you try and tone it down. But you can’t help but feel a little confined and tense. You still slip up, but at least you try, god damnit.
8. People assume you’re mean because of the language you use.
And you’re really not! You’re one of the nicest around! TRULY! You just really feel that these “bad” words express the narrative that’s constantly playing in your head the best. It’s not all sunshines and fucking ponies, after all.
9. Ducking autocorrect.
Need I say more?