You wait for a long time. You wait through new lovers and meaningless flings. You wait through lonely days and even lonelier nights. You wait for him to change his mind. You wait for the moment he discovers all those beautiful, broken parts of you and wait for him to piece them back together, to make you a full person again. You wait for the moment when he’ll fall for you the way you fell for him. It’s coming. You just know it. It has to!
But it never does.
You blame yourself.
You think that if you were only prettier, smarter, and thinner that he would see your worth. More like her and less like you. You blame your crooked smile, your frizzy hair. You blame the mess that is your breaking heart, and start to believe that you are too much to handle. You think back to those beautiful, broken pieces of yourself and start to believe that they weren’t actually beautiful.
They were just broken.
You wish, you wish, you wish. You wish you never told him all that you did. You wish you never knew that love could be so strong if it could not be returned. You wish it could have worked. You wish you were different, that timing had been better. You wish you didn’t love him anymore.
You wish you never met him at all.
You break apart in line at the grocery store, you fall apart at the bar. You break your belief in love. You break dishes. You break yourself. You break your own heart over and over again, hoping that he’ll come back.
But he was never there at all.
You accept it.
You accept that he’s not coming to pick up the pieces he left behind, even though he’s the one who broke you. You accept that loving you was not something he could do. You accept it all and begin to gather the scattered parts of you all on your own. And it’s in the reflections of these shards of you that you begin to see yourself again. You see who you used to be before him, and who you are after. You accept he’s changed some of you, but not all of you. You start to see the beauty in being broken, the beauty in your crooked smile, frizzy hair, and messy heart. You see that life can be okay without him. That it can even be good.
You accept that he did not love you, and you accept that you too will one day move on.