Thought Catalog
June 9, 2017

The Fear Of Being Single Is Far Worse Than The Fear Of Commitment

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What is the issue?
Is it worse for someone to bounce from relationship to relationship because they can’t stand being alone, or to stay single because they feat commitment? This is from my weekly podcast, “Heart of the Matter”, which can be found on SoundCloud and iTunes for free every Monday evening.
Esther Tuttle

While age-old adage of, “Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you judge them,” can be applicable to almost any situation in life, but it is essentially useless when dealing with matters of the heart.

It’s one thing you insert yourself into someone else’s situation — homelessness, raising a child, unemployment, etc. — and see how you would handle it, but you can never replicate someone else’s feelings. You will never fully be able to comprehend what they are going through on an emotional level.

We look at the guy who brings a different girl around to events or the girl who has a different man in her profile picture with each passing season, and we judge them — for better or worse.

The actual reason behind the behavior is irrelevant. All that matters is the perception of their actions, because that is what the outside world sees and that is what they will be judged on.

“You change significant others as often as you wash your laundry?” You’re obviously a desperate, love-hungry soul. “You never have a significant other in your life?” You obviously have a fear of commitment. The perception may not always fit the reality of the situation, but it does not negate the fact that it does in many cases. There are some people who need someone else in their life and cannot stand being alone, and there are some people who are simply paralyzed by the fear of committing to just one person.

So, which is worse?

People who are afraid to commit almost certainly have trust issues. They have a hard time letting people in, if they do at all. But regardless of why they fear commitment, they can still thrive on their own.

They may not be able to love another fully, but the perception is that they are still a strong and independent man or woman, and they are capable of living a healthy, successful life on their own.

People who bounce from relationship to relationship could do so for any number of reasons. Some are hopeless romantics who are desperate for love; some need someone who will constantly provide them with love and affirmation; and some just don’t want to be a single and alone.

The perception is that they are weak because they are dependent on another person. It’s okay to be a hopeless romantic and constantly search for love, but it’s not okay to depend on someone else to give you the love and confidence you should instill in yourself.

It’s one thing to date to meet someone special, and it’s another thing to date because you have to have somebody. TC mark

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