I came across this draft of a blog from over a year ago. I don’t even remember really writing this, but looking back on it now, I’m so proud of myself for how far I’ve come, for how much I’ve grown, and for how strong I’ve become because of the last few years. Maybe someone out there needs to hear the words I so desperately needed to tell myself a year ago. Whoever you are, whatever you’re going through, I promise you it’s going to be okay. You will come out on top of this, in some way or another. Keep pushing.
Today, I had to give myself a pep talk in the mirror. And no, it’s not the first time I’ve had to do this. And today, it went like this;
You’re going to be okay. Look at you, you don’t deserve to feel like this. As much as it hurts, its time to realize that it’s time to move on. If God wants this to work out, He will work it out. But until then, you can’t do this to yourself anymore, pretty girl. You’ve already done it once, and you know how bad it was. You need to be stronger than you’ve ever been. The same God that hears your prayers is the One that puts every single star in the sky, and He knows what He’s doing.
I know you loved him, but you want him to be happy. Someday he will find a woman that loves him even more than you did, and he will love her. And he’ll be happy. But you will find someone that loves you, and respects you, and won’t give up and walk away. But until then, you need to focus on you and your relationship with God. Nothing else matters more than that. You need to pray, you need to dig into His word, and you need to grow.
It’s time to pick yourself up. It’s time to remember who you are and Whose you are. You didn’t get the word “beloved” permanently tattooed to your body for no reason. I promise you, no matter what changes, or who comes into your life and abruptly leaves, God never will. You are His beloved and that is a forever. You can’t be sad forever, girl. Remember when you did this before? Remember when you thought you would never get over that boy? Well you did. And you loved again and it was beautiful. But unfortunately, that’s over and you need to look behind and see that God was faithful then, and look ahead and believe that He is able now.
This suffering right now is not in vain, please remember that. God is molding you in ways you wouldn’t believe and He is preparing you for something so great you can’t imagine. Like someone once shared with you,
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
One day, things will make sense again. One day, things will be okay. One day, you will feel genuinely okay again. But until that day, please don’t stop smiling. Don’t stop laughing. You’ll get through this. Repeat Psalms 23 in your head as many times as you need to through the day. But just get through the day.