November 28, 2016

I’m Never Going To Be The ‘Take It Slow’ Type

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What is the issue?
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Somewhere in that uncomfortable space between dating and relationships is a black hole of confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty. This is the limbo where potential relationships tend to either implode or move forward. I call this the uncertain phase, and I am here right now.

In fact I should call it my second home as I have been in this place often — very often in fact.

Dating Uncertainty. It’s the worse place to be. It usually happens after a few dates with someone when mutual attraction and interest has been established, but neither party is showing active signs of moving the budding relationship toward exclusivity. Or maybe you had an amazing first date (or so you thought) but now he is not responding to your messages as frequently as he did before.

Does he like me?
Does he want to go on a second date with me?
Is he just not that into me?
Did he think I was unattractive compared to my heavily filtered and conveniently positioned profile pictures?

This is where the uncertainty and anxiety begin, and the questions never end. Uncertainty and anxiety. Both go hand in hand together. For the most part dates are successful. I am interesting, intriguing, can hold somewhat decent conversations and am not bad looking.

So why after each date am I racking my brain with thoughts so obscure that they linger in my mind until an inventible second date occurs?

In this frame of uncertainty my mind pounders over a thousand little thoughts, reading into each and every sentence he utters as I decipher his text messages and over read into every word he types.

Why is there no ‘X’ after the message?
Does that mean he doesn’t like me?
Did I come on too strong?
Do I expect too much?

The uncertainty lingers as the anxiety deepens while I fade to black and keep on wondering, keep on guessing, keep on falling.

The line between normal and crazy seems impossibly thin. And as I walk with unbalanced feet like I am dangling high on a tightrope, I know I will fall hard in love with him, if I haven’t fallen already. I’ve been labelled obsessive because I think about him all the time, the moment I wake from weary slumber he is the first thought in my mind, but it’s the uncertainty whatever he is thinking about me or not that keeps me up tossing and turning in the night.

But is the uncertainty part of the whole seductive withholding dance? Do we now live in a society where we have to play games to keep some sort of spark alive? Are gestures such as holding hands, kissing and cuddling not appreciated anymore? Is there ever such a thing such as complimenting someone too much and letting them know how much you adore them? Can you ever give someone too much of your time and attention? Can you smother someone with too much affection?

What is wrong with being assertive and knowing what you want when it comes to love? Or is better just to keep a firm distance and not reveal much too soon?

I can’t say I am the withholding type. Far from it, actually.

I’m the type that will give you my heart, body, soul and pin number to my bank account all on a silver platter on the first date. I should learn to take two steps back, I should protect my emotions from inevitable pain and disappointment. But each time I get asked out on a date those bastard butterflies come flying out of my throat like a bad case of desperation and neediness.

I get attached and that’s seemingly where the problem lies. I’ve barely known my date for all but 5 minutes and I’m already planning our children’s names in my head. Maybe I don’t value or appreciate my own worth so the moment someone shows me just an inch of interest I’m left satiating at the mouth that someone would even like somebody like me, and that’s where the uncertainty begins.

Being lost in uncertainty is like being lost in limbo, I wish I had all the answers but I’m always left just second guessing.

I just want to know where I stand. TC mark

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