I’ve heard about it before, but never actually witnessed it first hand. Until you.
I’m not saying it was love, but it was a feeling I’ve never had before. I never met anyone who could get me to let my guard down so quickly. Years and years of building walls to protect my heart fell within minutes of meeting you.
When I met you at the airport there was something so completely right and so completely familiar. It’s like everything I was confused about finally made sense.
It all happened so fast – I can’t place the exact moment when I realized you were so special to me. To my heart. To my spirit.
It could have been during that coffee tour, where I took back that chocolate coffee bean I offered you. Or on that kayak, getting soaking wet and laughing uncontrollably. It could have been climbing those 500 steps to see that breathtaking view. Or it could have been when we were sitting in the hot springs and you were feeling tipsy off one margarita. I don’t know.
You were everything I never knew before and everything I wanted to learn more about.
Maybe I was blinded by the beauty of the tropical place where we were traveling. Maybe I was seduced by the crazy adventure we were embarking on. Maybe it was the waterfalls, or the rainforests, or the volcanoes. Maybe the sloths, the monkeys, the horses. Maybe it was everything around us, but not anything in our hearts.
Ten days was all it took for me to be completely smitten by you. Ten days for me to realize this is what I’d been missing. Ten days of trying to find reasons to run, but only finding answers to why I should stay.
When we spoke it was playful and meaningful. We had conversations I could never have with anyone else. We talked about our families and you couldn’t wait to meet my friends.
When people met us, they assumed we were dating. The chemistry, the compatibility, it was all there for the show. And the crowd was eating it up. You didn’t care that they thought we had been dating for years. You didn’t care so much that you told me twice, right before surprising me by kissing me when I wasn’t expecting it.
Looking back, I realize that was your favorite way of kissing me…when I was least expecting it.
The thing about that trip is whenever we’d part, I never had to wonder if I would see you again, because I knew I’d wake up the next morning and there’d be a seat next to you, waiting for me on the bus while we headed to our next excursion. We’d talk for hours on that bus.
Writing this is bittersweet. My heart is conflicted. Should it feel warm and loved because I was lucky enough to meet someone like you? Someone I connected with on levels I didn’t know you could connect with someone on? Someone I didn’t even know existed two months ago, but now can’t picture a life without knowing?
Or should it feel burned and sad because that trip was all it ever was? That trip holds the only memories I’ll have of you. That plane ride with my head on your shoulder. Watching you get in your dad’s car at the airport and drive away. We didn’t know it at the time, but that would be the last time we saw each other.
And that moment was only the beginning of the end.