5 Ways To Tell If You’re In Lust Or Love

Lust

1. intense sexual desire or appetite.

2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.

3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving

Love

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

We rarely use these words in conversation interchangeably, yet the third definition for love overlaps with the definitions of lust— which explains why it’s challenging to decipher between the two. Not only do we struggle to decode our own feelings of lust vs. love, we’re also forced to interpret those of the man we’re seeing. Here are the top ways to help you decide if your relationship is the real deal or just initial infatuation.

1. Deepens vs. fizzles out

Speaking from experience, when I meet someone new, this person dominates my thoughts and all I can think about is when we’ll see each other again. If the excitement fades over time, it was just lust. If it matures and you continue to feel butterflies thinking about this person even months into the relationship, it’s love.

2. Lovers but not friends

If something major happens in your life in which you either need advice or just want to share, the one you love will be the first person to pop into your head. If your first instinct is to call your girlfriends because they’re easier to talk to, the relationship with your guy is most likely just lust.

3. Depth (or lack thereof) in conversations

When you’re together with the one you love, it feels like there will never be enough time to say all that you want to say. When it’s lust, you don’t converse much. And when you do, it’s regarding nothing significant.

4. Emotionally charged vs. sexually charged

If your relationship consists of only sexual desire and no genuine emotion, it’s purely lust. You’d think this would be the clearest of all the other differences, but the sex could be so good that your mind seems to conjure feelings that turn out to be inauthentic when you dissect them.

5. Are you fully yourself?

If it’s love, you aren’t consumed with the mission to impress the other person; you’re just yourself. When it’s lust, you aren’t totally confident in the other person’s feelings toward you, so you subconsciously act like the person you think he wants to be around.

There is nothing wrong with lust as long as we recognize it early on. If you’re lucky, you’ll feel lust that will ultimately transcend the boundaries in which the emotion morphs into love.