May 1, 2016

Look For The One You Want To Spend Every Second With, Not ‘The One’ You’re Fated To Be With

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Millie Clinton
Millie Clinton

Maybe you don’t believe in Destiny or Fate, but you don’t need to. You’re too pragmatic and too grounded and too well educated for that. You don’t dream of fairytale endings. You watch romantic comedies with one eyebrow raised, understanding that the cheesy moments that tug at your heartstrings and make you cry are unrealistic—corny climactic scenes designed to entertain and to distract you from real life. Even as you weep, overwhelmed with the feels, you don’t really believe that those on-screen couples live happily ever after. You see the disagreements, misunderstandings, and temptations peppering their fictional futures.

It’s not that you don’t believe in romance. It’s just that you’re too sensible and too experienced to romanticize relationships.

You know better than to latch onto fantasies and false notions about what true love is, or what long-term togetherness actually entails. You understand that maintaining a relationship takes work. That commitment and fidelity aren’t magical things that sprout up between lovers when Cupid’s arrow strikes. That nurturing loyalty, faith, and trust is tough.

You know that all couples fight. You know that you will not always wake up feeling overwhelmed by affection for your significant other. That a lifelong partnership involves ups and downs and prolonged periods during which you feel neither better nor worse than just okay. You know that couples face doubts, uncertainties, and trying times. That you’re bound to ask questions you wish you didn’t have to, and wonder whether you’ve made the right decisions after all. That you’ll live and love and make mistakes in the process.

You know there isn’t one person out there who’s the exact right fit for you, no enchanted glass slipper of a human who will suddenly make your entire existence more spectacular. You don’t expect the Universe to go out of its way to unite you with the absolute perfect partner. You know that there are many possibilities out there, in fact. And that every single choice you make day-to-day impacts your specific path, including who you become and who you encounter.

You don’t believe in “the one” in a traditional, fatalistic sense. You believe in the one that you get to pick—the one you’ll promise forever to, and build a life with.

You’re looking for the one you can’t stop thinking about right after you meet. The one you want to spend every single second with, knowing that your lustful obsession will eventually transform into a deeper, more satisfying, more powerful connection. The one who makes you smile, even when they’re not around, because the very idea of them delights you. The one who makes you laugh out loud ’til you’re rolling on the floor, or peeing in your pants. The one who doesn’t care if you snort when you giggle, fart when you sneeze, or drool when you sleep.

You’re looking for the one who wants to stay in on a Friday night so you can do nothing but watch movies and eat pizza on the couch. The one who makes you feel beautiful, whether you’re wearing a sexy dress or sweatpants and an old t-shirt. The one who genuinely adores your every quirk and flaw because they appreciate you for exactly who you are. The one who urges you to share all your hopes, dreams, and secrets as you lie side by side in bed, forgetting what time it is as you talk late into the night.

You’re looking for the one who listens to you without judgment. The one who makes you feel safe just by looking you in the eyes, or holding you tight in their arms. The one you can talk to without actually saying anything out loud. The one who inspires you—who pushes you to think and challenges you unexpectedly. The one who introduces you to new things, and urges you to take risks you wouldn’t otherwise embrace.

You know that this one will drive you absolutely insane sometimes. That this one will fuck up and say hurtful things and make you cry. That this one will demand forgiveness and compassion and patience and understanding. You know that this one will bring out the worst in you sometimes. That this one will test you repeatedly, and that you’ll have to choose them again and again and again over time. That this one will be imperfect, and that your life together will be imperfect, too.

But you also know that lasting love isn’t for the faint of heart, and you’re okay with that.

Staying with this one won’t be easy, but they are THE ONE you’re meant to be with. TC mark

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