5 Things I Learned While Working As An Actual Phone Sex Operator
To research the drastic increase in stay-at-home moms working as phone sex operators, I actually became one. Below are some tricks of the naughty talk trade I picked up through firsthand experience (after a little training from a true professional).
1. You can’t sound sexy if you don’t feel sexy.
Anyone who’s transitioned from the corporate sweater-set-and-pearls world to the far more forgiving life of a freelance creative fully appreciates the joy of wearing whatever you want almost always. In addition to showering around noon most days, this is one of the most notable perks of a home-based occupation. So when I took my first call as a phone-sex operator, I wore the same outfit I’d wear to write from the privacy of my home: a pair of tattered navy blue Georgetown shorts I’ve owned since college and one of my boyfriend’s white V-neck tees.
On so many levels, this turned out to be a seriously misguided decision. I quickly learned that it’s painfully taxing to adopt the voice of a seductress (think slower and softer than imaginable) while resembling the human equivalent of a three-toed sloth. Not to mention, it’s pretty asinine to wear anything you might associate with your real life lover while guiding a stranger to climax. For my next call, I showered, applied some makeup, and changed into tight black pants, a leopard-print top, and four-inch patent leather pumps. I also set aside any framed photographs of mom, dad, and the boyfriend. The ease with which I could moan and groan while dressed in what felt sexy to me made that second call go by so much more smoothly. It doesn’t matter that a caller can’t see you. You’re not going to sound sexy unless you actually feel that way.
2. Simple affirmations are more effective than the naughtiest adjectives.
Before I embarked on my phone-sex project, a good male friend advised: “Men are total narcissists in bed. Even a technically bad blowjob is awesome to the average guy if the woman giving it to him looks like she’s loving it.” Since I wouldn’t actually be performing sex acts on callers, I questioned the usefulness of this tip at first.
In drafting a cheat sheet to keep on hand during calls, I focused on listing dirty adjectives (hot, sexy, wet, throbbing, etc.) and pet names (handsome, big daddy, sergeant sexy, etc.). But what soon became clear is that these words, while affective, pale in comparison to simple affirmations like “Yeah, baby!” or “Like that!” or “Yessssss!” I also noticed that it’s way more impactful to start a phrase with “you’re making me feel…” rather than saying “I feel so….” By crediting the caller for how you feel, you enhance their experience by petting their ego oh-so-sensually. My motto? Deify like crazy.
3. Improvising with sexy sound effects takes dirty dialogue to the next level.
For research, I watched a YouTube clip of Anne Hathaway’s phone-sex scene from “Valentine’s Day.” “Pull down your pants and bend over,” Hathaway commands through the receiver. Then she makes her spanking come to life through some feverish snapping of rubber bands. Until then, it hadn’t occurred to me that non-vocal sound effects might come in handy. Next to my naughty talk cheat sheet, I set aside a pile of rubber bands to mimic the smacking of flesh during sessions in case the moment called for it.
Gradually, I became more resourceful. Once you start looking, you’ll find tons of common household items that can be repurposed as sexy noise makers. For example, a leather belt becomes a great whip if you need it to. Popsicles and lollipops are ideal sucking instruments. And unless you’re overly sentimental about your books, slamming them on the floor sounds remarkably similar to a headboard banging against the wall. Don’t be afraid to be creative.
4. You have to ask exactly what each client wants up front because human sexual desire really is that varied.
The one rule that applies to every phone sex call is: Expect the unexpected. Human sexual tastes are just so wonderfully varied. Some people are turned on by thigh-high boots, for instance, while some want to hear balloons being blown up, and some prefer a “vanilla” session in which an operator just talks about touching herself. Suffice it to say that it’s a grand old waste of time to try guessing what a caller wants. A good phone-sex operator figures it out, though, even if a given caller isn’t forthcoming about their specific desires.
It’s especially advantageous to prod a client about likes and dislikes as early as possible. By asking the right questions and listening and responding without judgment, you can tailor a call accordingly. The more you learn, the more ammunition you give yourself to keep a client on the line, which translates to more money for you.
5. You have to know your own limits, and establish unbreakable personal boundaries.
Anonymity is of course critical when you’re working as a phone sex operator. I enjoyed choosing my pseudonym, Willow, which seemed to embody just the right touch of sass. I also used Google Voice in place of my actual phone number, and I reminded myself before each call not to disclose my location through references to city landmarks. Generally, I felt protected by the network of fiber-optic cables separating me from those who rang.
But the fact is that it’s still possible to feel vulnerable, so you absolutely have to establish personal boundaries. For some phone-sex operators, a request to discuss adult diapering is a major no-no. For others, any mention of meeting in person—even a fantasized rendezvous—can kill the mood. In my case, I learned that a certain tone of voice could creep me out. The beauty of the phone is: You can always hang up.