Thought Catalog
April 12, 2014

10 “Reasons” That Shouldn’t Stop Women From Being Sexy

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What is the issue?
So I woke up this morning, turned to my phone, logged into Facebook and saw an article posted through my newsfeed that read The Actual Difference Between Women Who are Hot and Who are Beautiful. Needless to say, it irritated me. It irritated me because I think women have developed this stigma around being “hot” or “sexy” because they don’t want to be objectified. Which is fair, nobody does. But that doesn’t make it okay to go on a slut-shaming rampage and speak negatively about women who choose to ramp up their look by throwing on a pair of spike-y stilettos and hot red lipstick. What irked me the most about that particular article was that the author kept using the word “force.”

“It’s not real; it’s an illusion that’s been forcing women to conform to unhealthy habits for too many years.” – Lauren Martin, from elitedaily.com.

Since when are women “forced” to do anything? Yes, we as women are incredibly pressured by media, magazines, music, etc… to be oozing with sexual prowess, but no one is “forcing” us. She made it sound like we have to face an ultimatum between being respected or being reduced by our sexuality. And I don’t believe that. I believe you can be respected and still be able to embrace our feminine qualities, and yes, that includes being sexy.

Some women don’t really care about being viewed as sexually attractive and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But for the women who struggle with wanting to show that they’re proud of their sexuality and their bodies but are afraid of getting backlash, here’s a list of “reasons” that I believe should never draw you back from expressing that element that all women have the right to express.
Shutterstock
Shutterstock

1. “He’ll get the wrong idea.”

Let me say this. If a man bases his idea of you solely off of what you’re wearing/look like, he’s not going to be the man for you. In fact, that’s not a man. That’s a boy who’s watched one too many Jenna Jameson films and now thinks all women should look and behave like that normally. Real men will appreciate who you are no matter how you appear. Real men will get to know you before making any sort of judgment. In reality, real men don’t give a shit what you wear. As long as you’re happy with your outfit, he’s happy with it. Remember ladies, it’s not about what you wear; it’s about how you wear it.

2. “I don’t want to be viewed as an object.”

I’m gonna lay down some harsh truth, here. I’m sorry girls, but the people who are going to view us as objects are going to view us as objects regardless of what we do/say/act/feel/dress. Let’s face it; you know you can recall being been hit on inappropriately at the gym, at the coffee shop, at work, at the library AND at the bar. It really doesn’t matter where you are or what you look like at that time of day. And I know this might sound weird, but you should actually consider this a good thing. Why? Because anyone that’s going to objectify you is cutting out all the bullshit from jump. Once you can look past the very blatant offense he causes by saying whatever he’s going to say, you can immediately mark him in the “NOPE” category and just move on. Assholes will be assholes… no one said you had to associate with them.

3. “I don’t want to be an illusion.”

This pains me the most. I think women sometimes get the wrong idea of what make-up and fashion is supposed to do for us. It is NEVER supposed to be an illusion, a disguise or a mask. Make-up should enhance your features, not hide them. Clothing should flatter your shape, not contort it. There is nothing wrong with drawing attention to your best assets as long as you’re prepared to handle the effect it’ll have to the people around you. Dismiss the ones that will get the wrong idea of you. You’ll never be able to control people’s thoughts, so don’t try to. Instead, acknowledge the ones that appreciate your choice of expression and don’t act meek about it when that’s what you’ve intentionally highlighted to get noticed. Take the compliment and walk on; it doesn’t have to be complicated.

4. “I can’t afford it.”

It tickles me how magazines like Cosmo will have “what’s hot” pages and list a slew of beauty products that we’re supposed to collect in order to be “in trend.” A lip gloss for $36? What, because Heidi Klum wears it, it’s the “ish” and I’m supposed to buy it? F*ck that. For any woman on a budget, don’t get swept up in all the advertisements that swarm around you. You don’t need any special lip gloss, hair curler or “slimming corsets” to feel attractive. You just need you. If you want it though, buy it! Sometimes there are great deals where you can get tons of fun stuff to play with. And sometimes those magazines can give great ideas and tips. But you should never feel like just because you don’t have 50 shades of eye shadow in your arsenal, that you’re not up to par with the hardcore beauty gurus. Work with what you got, girl. You’ve got plenty without all that stuff.

5. “I want to be classy.”

I highly respect any woman who cares to present herself elegantly. You can still do this and be sexy at the same time. Unfortunately, over time, the word “sexy” has gained this connotation of translating to “trashy,” “easy,” or “slutty.” And it’s a bummer, because I don’t believe that at all. I think sexy has much less to do with appearance, and EVERYTHING to do with attitude. Confidence is sexy. You are not obligated to throw on a micro-mini skirt and 6-inch heels to pull off “sexy.” A business suit is plenty sexy. Nice jeans with a printed Tee is sexy. Glasses are sexy. Sweatpants can be sexy. The list goes on. It’s all about the confidence you have inside of you. With enough confidence, you can wear a garbage pail and Timbs and still be sexy (I’m exaggerating, but you get where I’m going). Remember that anything you choose to put on your body is just an outward expression—not definition—of who you are inside.

6. “I want to be taken seriously.”

Then present yourself seriously. You can’t wear booty shorts and be surprised that a guy isn’t trying to have a deep conversation with you. You can be annoyed that guys are that easily distracted, but your wardrobe shouldn’t be dictated by their inability to concentrate correctly. Now, just to be clear, you can still be taken seriously even if you’re wearing booty shorts. It might be a bit more challenging, but the point is, your demeanor is what will set you apart from just another girl with a cute butt in short shorts. When you show that you’re not fazed by wandering eyes and you continue on with whatever you’re doing, they have no choice but to redirect their attention to wherever you want it to be focused on. Who run the world?

7. “I want to protect myself.”

And that’s extremely important. I absolutely hate it when people say, “well she deserves to be raped/mistreated/objectified… look what she’s wearing! She’s asking for it.” That has to be the most moronic statement I’ve ever heard. And it’s said often. So to anyone who thinks this way: please stop. I don’t care if she’s acting like the biggest slut, it is NEVER okay to abuse a woman in ANY way. Is it wise for any woman to act this way with as many sexual predators as there are? Not at all. But this does NOT mean it’s an open pass for men to exploit her. Ladies, if you have the time and will, take up self-defense. It can’t hurt you and it’s empowering to take that control. It’s never a bad idea to prepare for the worst, but this shouldn’t scare you out of a fitted dress. There’s power in numbers. Go out in groups, take a trusted male friend with you, and stay in crowds. Don’t be afraid, just be prepared.

8. “I’m a big girl, I can’t be sexy.”

Bullshit. ANY woman can be sexy. It doesn’t matter what size you are. If you’re a full-figured woman, if you’ve got a little weight on you, or if you’ve gotten a little out of shape because life got crazy for a while, you never have to lose out on an opportunity to feel sexy. Like I said above, being sexy is all about being confident. I know plenty of beautiful big women who are proud of their bodies and are definitely sexy. I also know big women with wonderful and kind souls, but don’t feel like they can be sexy because of their size. Well, to all my big mamas out there, you can be. Own what you have and don’t let negativity or the ridiculous standards that the media’s placed on us deter you from finding your inner AND outer beauty. *I do want to say though, remember that health is important. If you ever feel you’ve reached a point that you need to lose weight, make sure to do it in a healthy and controlled way. You are beautiful no matter what size you are, but your body is a delicate instrument, so always try your best to make sure you’re taking proper care of it.*

9. “I don’t know how to be sexy.”

Sure, you do! Just be you! Maybe you don’t know how to flip your hair provocatively or “twerk” (ugh, that word. *shudder.*) or twirl your hips right… who cares? Embellish on what you know best. Confidence. Is. Sexy. Intelligence to me is one of the sexiest traits anyone can have, so if you’re a book-nerd, run with it! You’ll appeal to those who are like-minded and that’s the great part—when you’re in your natural element and you surround yourself with the things you love, you’ll find other people who appreciate the same things as you, therefore, appreciate you. Nothing is sexier than being able to find that connection with someone who’s on the same level as you. So ignore the douchebags swigging back their Jäger bombs yelling unintelligible ramblings at you because you didn’t turn around when they called out to you (“hey… psst… hey… HEY! HEY!!! WHATEVER, YOU’RE NOT THAT HOT ANYWAY, BITCH”). If they’re not your type, don’t date them. Simple.

10. “I couldn’t care less about being sexy.”

Awesome. Here’s the ironic part, though. Women who don’t care to be sexy, naturally tend to be sexy. Because, what’s the key? Confidence. Women who are confident don’t need this list, they already know this. Maybe you’re struggling with finding that balance, or maybe you’ve had bad experiences trying to explore that side of you and you didn’t have the right support. Well, if I can be a tiny voice here in the blogosphere… let me say that I support ANY woman, whether she bares it all or holds out for that special someone. So let’s start by focusing on just being proud of womanhood and spend less time defining what “type” of women we should all be.

Photo courtesy of Mei Mei.
Photo courtesy of Mei Mei.

Agreed? TC mark

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