I would like to start by apologizing profusely for my actions. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to feel the kind of pain that dishonesty brings. I feel as though there is no way to justify my actions because they were immoral. I can’t even explain my actions. The only thing I can think of that led me to choose being with him despite knowing that you existed, is love. You probably understand this. You of all people would understand this. You would know how kind, caring and loving he can be. You would know how easy it is to fall for his wonderfully flawed character.
I would like to think that I am a good person despite this compromise of my morality. I would like to think that I have reasonable morals and compassion for others. I would like to offer my compassion to you. I may not know exactly how you felt going through this situation; how you must have felt when you found out he wasn’t honest with you. But I can offer you my support even though the very thought of me will likely make you angry.
With that I ask you to think of why you’re angry with me. I didn’t know you personally. I knew him. I knew the way he felt about me despite being with you. I know the way people talked about the slowly dissolving relationship the two of you had. I wish I had said something to you. I wish that I had had the courage to find out how to reach out to you and tell you these things.
The truth is you and I are on the same team. You and I are angry with each other because we were competing for the same man who claimed he didn’t love me but had feelings for you. The truth is, I don’t think he truly cared about us in the way we thought he did. I think he cared about the way we made him felt. I offered him an unconditional love that he was already familiar with and you offered him a new promise, a new perspective. We each were good for him. Neither of us better than the other just the same as there is no person that is better than another.
If there is anyone to blame, anyone to called the perpetrator, it is him. He decided to leave you to be with me. He decided that he would break your heart to give his heart to me. He then decided that I was not good enough. That I could no longer offer him the love he wanted. He decided to through me aside. He threw me aside and returned to you. This can be viewed as one of two ways; the first being that you are able to provide for him in a way that I could not immediately give and the second being that he needs to be validated by the love of one of us.
Despite all of this, I beg for you to explain to me what made you take him back not a couple days after he left me. He left you to be with me which left you angry and heartbroken. I understand that love makes people do crazy things. But I worry he doesn’t love you. I worry you will end up a broken version of yourself at the eventual collapse of this relationship. I worry you will be hurt in the way I was.
I want you to remember that he was the one who made the decisions. That I did not in regards to the relationship you shared with him. That I tried to keep my distance and not cross any lines. It was easily one of the hardest things I had to do as I was still madly in love with him. I want you to remember that he did this to you despite everything he told you. Despite the fact that he continually told you he didn’t have feelings for me anymore.
I say this not because I want to make an enemy of him but because I feel the need to protect you. Protect you from the pain I had to go through. Protect you from the hurtful words he had said about my family and I. Protect you from a future filled with the pain from issues he has yet to deal with. You do not deserve to live that way. To live the way I once did.
I want you to know that my actions were regrettable. I want you to know that I continuously told him that I felt guilty for what I had done to you. For the position I put you in. I want you to know that while we were together, he expressed that he did not feel this way. The feelings were not reciprocated. I want you to know the truth no matter how hard it may be to hear.
Being the other girl in this situation is hard. We are not friends but we share one large common connection. We are not friends but I have the overwhelming feeling to protect you. We are not friends but I would like to be. I would like to end the cycle of girls being pitted against each other because of one man’s actions. I would like to offer you my compassion. I would like to offer you the wave of my white flag. The wave of a new era.