You probably never expected this. You probably feel like there is no one else that is going to make you feel the way they did. You probably feel so sad, so heartbroken, you can feel it in every part of your body. You probably feel like you will be able to accomplish nothing without them. You are allowed to feel this way. You are allowed to feel the grief and anguish associated with the dissolve of your relationship. Nevertheless, you should not allow it to guide your life.
You probably feel so angry with your now ex-partner, that you want nothing but the same pain you are currently experiencing. You every right to feel this way. However, it is much harder to carry the burden of a negative emotion. You will have times of absolute anger and times of absolute loneliness. Do not forget this feeling because eventually, whether it takes one day or one month, this feeling will begin to dull and you yourself, will feel lighter. Hearing their name will not anger you the way it once did. And eventually you will be able to compare yourself now to yourself some time ago, and feel good about how far you have come.
You probably feel incredibly lonely. You probably think back to the time you sang your favourite songs in the car and when you laughed so hard you couldn’t breathe. You probably think back to the way it felt to have your lips against theirs and the way you could hear their heartbeat when you had your head in just the right spot. You probably even think about all the wonderful things they did for you. Keep these memories close. Do not lose them. The brain works in a way where it is much easier to remember the bad memories instead of the wonderful ones.
Remember what made you want to be with this person. Remember that first time you knew that the feeling you had for them, was mutual. Remember and mourn the friendship you were able to build. Remember how you absolutely crazy felt about them and what that led you to do. But also remember why despite all the good things shared between you, the relationship had to end. Remember how you felt leading up to that moment. Remember that this is a good thing. That this is a move towards greater things. Remember that you are not alone in this.
Remember that you are not the only person who can feel this confused about a person. Remember that there are others who you can lean on for advice and a listening ear. You can spend your evenings in a bathtub thinking about what went wrong, what you could have done to prevent this.
The truth is, there is nothing you could have done. You made choices that you felt were best for the situation, for the entirety of the relationship. You made choices that you felt were best for you because despite everything you feel – how alone you may feel – you still have you. You still have your family, friends and others in your life that want you to succeed. You still have the ability to create yourself, mould yourself into a better version. A version that can bring yourself happiness through your own trials and triumphs instead of someone else’s. A version that knows what is best for you and your future. A version that is truly happy without compromise.
Society says that you are only supposed to be sad for a short amount of time. That you should move on with your life just as your now ex partner has presumably done. Maybe they have moved on a bit too fast in your opinion. Maybe they’re with the person they swore they no longer had feelings for. Maybe it is a combination of the two. But maybe you are allowed to feel sad for as long as you need to. Maybe you don’t have to stay angry forever.
You can be happy for them. You can be happy for you and your life. You can want what’s best for them even though you are no longer together and they hurt you. You can spend your whole life wondering “What if?”, or you can hope they find someone who can make them truly happy the same way you will one day. You can hope they find someone that is better for them in a relationship than you were.
Statistically, you will fall in love two to seven times before you finally find someone who you want to spend your life with. Whether this was your first heartbreak or your sixth, there will be someone who will make you feel the way they did. In fact they will make you feel better without modifying you and your values. They will be your best friend and your biggest supporter. They will help you reach your goals instead of inhibiting your ability to reach them. They will help you strive to do your best. They will make you feel unstoppable.