October 12, 2016

I Had To Experience Heartbreak, Just Like All Girls Do

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What is the issue?

Every girl ends up with a broken heart at some point in her life. I thought I would be the exception to that rule. I was wrong. He didn’t just break my heart; he destroyed me.

We were happy, or at least I thought we were. I was in college, and he had a great job. He would pay the bills, while I cooked and cleaned. Our relationship was balanced. My friends would tell me we were relationship goals. This didn’t last though.

When I found the messages between them a part of me died inside. She lived all the way in California. She was over 2000 miles away from our small Georgia town. They had never met in person, and still to him, she was more than I could ever be. When I confronted him everything was my fault. How dare I read his messages. I should trust him, and not look for something to be mad over.

How could I trust him? He cheated on me. To make matters worse, he offered me up to her, sexually, like a virgin sacrifice to the Gods. She knew about me and still made the decision to take part. He planned a trip to go meet her. He did these things while I was cleaning our apartment, doing his laundry, making his dinner, and sleeping in his bed.

He lead me to believe he was happy, that after four years we would be the ones who made it. He left me homeless and broke. He pushed me out of my hometown; he pushed me out of the state. He damaged me beyond repair. This man was never good at taking responsibility for his actions, so why should I expect him to this time. He did not care. He did not care about me or my feelings. He blamed me for his cheating, and for a while I blamed myself for it too.

I still wake up in the morning, and wonder why I am not good enough. Some mornings I am hardly able to stomach looking at myself in the mirror, and I still question my self-worth.

When will I feel like I am good enough? I have lost weight, and I put much more effort into my appearance. I do my hair and makeup daily. I make sure that I am physically flawless, but emotionally I am scarred. My wounds are still healing.

Even though he broke my heart, I know this experience has made stronger. I have been able to pick myself up at my lowest point. I learned from my mistakes in the past. One day I will love myself again.

Every girl gets her heart-broken, at least once in her life, and I am no exception. TC mark

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