Thought Catalog
January 6, 2015

15 Reasons Children Of Divorce Are Terrified Of Getting Married

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What is the issue?
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Franca Giminez

1. We are hyper aware of things in our relationship that will be a problem down the road, because we are trained to think that serious problems in a relationship are inevitable.

2. Because separate bank accounts are a comfort. We grew up with parents who complained that their ex got the money, or the pure cherry wood dining room table. We don’t want to merge our assets. We want to protect ourselves.

3. Because we don’t know what a functional marriage is supposed to look like.

4. We’ve been told, at least once in our lives, that children of divorce are more apt to get divorce.

5. We want to give our children an upbringing devoid of marital problems and we’re scared we won’t be able to.

6. We’ve seen how strong our single parents can be, and fear if we get divorced we won’t be as strong as they are.

7. We worry that we don’t take the institution of marriage seriously enough, because we know we can always just get divorced.

8. We’ve seen what it’s like to be alone, with no one to depend on. It makes us scared to be alone, so we worry that we’ll marry because that fear drives us, and not because we’re actually in love.

9. We constantly doubt that two people can spend their whole life together. We’ve never seen it happen in our homes, and wonder if the people who are still together are actually happy.

10. We know what it’s like to go through custody battles, and we don’t want to seal our kids to that fate by marrying the wrong person.

11. We are scared that if we marry someone from a perfect marriage, who doesn’t have these reservations, then we will be the one to ruin the marriage.

12. We are scared that if we marry someone who also comes from divorce, then the cards are stacked against us even more than they were already.

13. We already have to balance two families during the holidays. If we get married, we’ll have 3+ families to visit.

14. We instinctively think about pre-nups, and assume that doesn’t bode well.

15. We aren’t sure anyone will want to marry us when we come with all these concerns and additional baggage. TC mark