The Minute You Realized I Would Never Be Yours

I saw it hit you. It hit you really hard. You were so concerned with what you wanted that you forgot about what I wanted. It didn’t occur to you that while you may want to be single, so could I. You were so used to girls always wanting to be yours and only yours, but you forgot who I was.

You forgot everything I said. You took a few ‘I like you’ comments as something more than it should have ever meant.

I can feel you watching my every move. I can see your eyes looking through the crowd for me. I feel the way you look at me to take in every interaction I have with your friends. You watch as I smile and pretend. I know what’s going on in your head. You expected me to come up to you and be upset that we stopped talking. You thought you would get a reaction from me, but you won’t.

You saw me and you wanted to be us. I know this because I can feel your pull towards me when we are both ignoring each other. You didn’t see another girl in the room, which is how it always should have been. When our paths finally crossed…You yelled at me. The words you tried to communicate were that you didn’t care, but all you really said is, “I care.” You said, “is this how it’s going to be? I don’t care.”

I didn’t know how it would be. I wasn’t the one who got us here. I had so many thoughts, but all I said was, “how do you want me to act.” I knew you couldn’t believe how okay I was. It hit you like a wall and I saw the defeat in your eyes as I walked away. I saw what you did. I watched you walk away and cleanse the caring off your body with her. You kissed that girl at the bar lifelessly. You thought I would react. You kissed her in front of me to show me you “don’t care”, but you didn’t think I wouldn’t even blink. You don’t get over girls like me by fucking your way through a mass of other girls.

You couldn’t resist the urge to yell at me. You said you won’t chase me… but you should have bitten your tongue. You know you will. You will always care because I will always be the girl who got away. The only girl not trying to change who you were. I will always be the girl that didn’t let you hurt me.

I was never yours. I could have been if you wanted, but not anymore.