Don’t Review A Book By It’s Cover

1. The Great Gatsby
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I did some research/knee-jerk observation making in a bookstore and discovered that this might actually make a pretty sweet bookshelf prop. It has Leonardo DiCaprio in it, so three stars for that. The cover is really spacious, which I like. There’s enough room for the critic’s reviews and praise, leaving plenty of space for a giant “Staff Pick” sticker to cover them up.

A major downside, though, is that blue-face-thingy staring at me, you know, judging me, judging it. Also, the title could you some work; The “Great” Gatsby—isn’t that a little presumptuous Mr. Fitzgerald? (I’m asking. I have not read it.)

2. To Kill A Mockingbird
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At first I vowed to withhold from reviewing this book knowing full well that it condones the murder of innocent mocking birds. I was going to give it one star, however, I must give credit where credit is due; this looks like it could be pretty interesting. Like, what are the pocket watch and ball of yarn planning—you know?

This is a book that I could definitely see myself pretending to read in the park. Yeah, I probably won’t acknowledge your dog when it sniffs my pant leg. That’s just how invested I would look.

3. The Kite Runner
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This is a near perfect book (cover). I could see a bent corner or a coffee mug stain fitting nicely just about anywhere. I enjoy the title especially. Like, finally: some light reading.  I would probably love a book about something as peaceful and innocent as flying a kite on a cloudless summer day. You know, something I could still understand while half-drunk from a bottle of Rosé on a cloudless summer day. I’m so sick and tired of these sad books. As if I need any more sadness in my life. Haters aka English teachers are always taunting me with made up expressions like, “You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover”, or whatever. This is why I frequently remind them of another popular expression: A picture is worth a thousand words, and that’s enough for today.